Update

Mustkeepjob32 · Jan 18, 2011, 11:30 PM

Hello all,

Haven't been here in a while, don't know why per se. I had the DUI arraignment a week ago, something I was so worried about. I was sure I would lose my ability to drive that very day and they would put me in jail. It didn't happen that way. I pleaded guilty with the Public Offender and my punishment is almost $3000, sheriff work program for four days, and the DUI classes. Oh and I won't be able to drive for several months. I'm ALWAYS used my car so learning the public transportation system is something scary for me.
At least I'm not going to jail as long as I comply with the terms of my probation. I possibly may be moving because of a new job at the end of next week.
I've had a few breakdowns this week. I've felt that no one loves me, that people don't care about me. My Mom, who I usually trust, tonight told me "If you moved back here and says you wanted to kill yourself everyday, I'd say, why don't you leave?" I was so shocked she said that I practically had another breakdown. She said I misunderstood what she meant. Maybe I did.
My partner and I yell at each other almost daily. He's tired of dealing with me and I'm tired of dealing with him. I don't want to be alone but I'm not happy with him. I keep dreaming of being with other guys. Him and I don't have sex ever. I just don't want to. I feel ugly and don't think any other guy will put up with me, much less want me sexually, but oh well.
I'm not doing that well but I'm trying to get back on my feet again after all the recent problems and start over again. Hopefully, because of a miracle, I'm stable enough to keep this next job for a period of time and use the insurance to get a pdoc and t, something I really need. Right now I'm just on medication and I even sometimes run out of that.

Me