[thlancaster]

I am stuck in a place in life that I do not know how to escape. I am married to a man that suffers from type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Both are capable of being reversed but he is unwilling to work at this. His meds are expensive and we do not have any insurance. (we are self employed). His "brain" is going due to these diseases he is unwilling to work on. I have surrendered all my retirement and savings to invest in our business which he has (the past year) and is willing to give away to other businesses. My best friend for the past 17 years (plus a few months) is (now) a retired clinical psychologist whom "loves me as if she had birthed me" lady. She has since retired. Excuse after excuse she "now" cannot do anything with me because of her health issues but she does constantly with her granddaughter and daughter. I invested time and money in both and both have dished me on numerous occasions as my biological family did after I reported abuse years ago. I'm tired, broke and no longer have a life for the past 17 years have been invested in these two (besides my 3 children whom are grown except the 14 year old) all these years. I feel as if I am in a dryer, with the door closed, the darkness and spinning continual and nothing left to live for....what to do? I have been having strong suicidal thoughts the past five weeks and it is only getting worse. I had several plans and have narrowed it down to two. When the ideation hits it is stronger each time.....can someone tell me what to do? I do not want to speak in person to anyone for everyone is fake? Can someone tell me what to do...I don't want pity, sympathy, empathy or a "patch" to "feel good for a phone call"....What am I to do...just finally give in to them?

Hello, thlancaster. Do you think you could get better if you worked at it?

[missbelle]

Make a list of the things you can do to change your situation. See which is plausable. Find another counselor; save some money; or find a p.t. job and save that money. Sell some things around the house if you truly want to leave. write down a real plan...call for help to Catholic Charities; other social service agencies....realize husband won't change but you can if you really want too......
Leave the house more...see real people...go to a coffee bar, a book shop;watch the people, talk to them, make a new friend..it gives you a whole new perspective
Buy some flowers for your house....that won't solve anything but it will give you a lift!
Go to the library and research how to get away, a business to start etc....research the internet for help.....invent a new you!!!!! Survive! and my favorite quote "Don't give up before the miracle happens!!!"