[EmptySoulSyndrome]

I been living like a loner for a very long time. Does depression have to do with me being a loner or is it my choice cause it is or it comes natural? I guess I'll stay like this till the day I die. Not much look on getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. So I stopped trying and move on alone

Hi there Empty - I can't answer your question but it is odd I would come upon it and this website today. I am a 46 year old female who has been abused and deprived most of my life since early childhood. Sometimes, I still feel as if life holds promise for a better future - sometimes I become a bottomless pit of self pity and regret like I am today.

I had to disengage from my entire family over the course of the past few years or their abusive and toxic nature was going to kill me. Now I'm completely alone with no one, no family, no real friends. I don't know what is worse. I'm an outgoing, fairly successful woman with tons of charm and wit and yet there no one in my life to share things with. It's a horrible feeling. I am so fearful that all hope is lost in my having "kinship" in this life. I feel as though I belong to nothing or no one. I do everything alone, I sleep alone, eat alone, spend Holidays alone - depression has consumed me a better part of my life, and now that I am cut off from family it is even worse.

I am by no means emotionally unstable, just lonely which I think leads to my being depressed at times...It's so hard to understand why I can't have what most people have in life...friends, companionship, family.

When I get into this mindset it is difficult to come out of it, especially since fear manages to enter into the equation, not to mention guilt, anger and frustration.

I wonder as you wonder in that the more I allow myself to experience these negative emotions - does it create a bigger sense of loneliness? Does it create a bigger gap between myself and those who might choose to try and love me or get close to me?

Please respond if you have thoughts as your topic has really struck a chord with me today.

Thanks,

J

[Rohag]

Hello, EmptySoulSyndrome!

My observation is that loneliness and depression often keep company. This seems true not only for loners, but also for those in relationships. Depression has a way of weakening one's connections with the world beyond the self.

One of the best pieces of conventional advice about making friends runs something like this: "Be interested in people, and people will be interested in you." As depression tends to drain away interest in everything, the depressed naturally are less capable of employing this advice.

Originally Posted by EmptySoulSyndrome

So I stopped trying and move on alone

Oddly, this may be an excellent way of finding friendship and love. Some of the best things in life are like butterflies: pursue them and they flee, ignore them and they may alight on your shoulder.