please help me sort this out, i'm clueless

This probably belongs in the relationships forum, but I'm posting it under depression because the last time I posted about this person, it was after she put me in the hospital for a week and a 2-week, pdoc-enforced vacation for another 2 weeks after that. I'm properly medicated, more or less, at the moment, so I'm not all that depressed, but I don't know what to do with this.

I always tank in early fall. I am a spring and summer girl, no question, and fall and winter depress the hell out of me. Usually what starts in October ends in a hospital stay in February or so.

Last October,the tanking commenced, and it kept getting worse, and I self-injure and it got a little out of hand one night. So I called my pdoc, said "I feel dangerous," he said, "I'm calling the hospital to tell them you're coming, pack a bag and get there."

Well, there were no beds available, so they sent me home and put me in the day program. I ended up there because my then-boss, who I had always thought I had a very good relationship with, one day, with nobody else around, hauled me into an empty office and unloaded about 6 months' worth of stuff she hated about me or thought I'd been doing wrong. She LITERALLY had a list of stuff, and checked each one off as she addressed it, and I didn't get one chance to defend myself, or explain.

This sent me straight back to childhood and the way my parents handled things and I took it really badly. I had evidence of some other stuff she'd done behind my back, but I thought it was just isolated incidences. I like her as a person (or used to), and she was a pretty decent boss, up till she showed me what she REALLY thought of me.......

Anyway. During my pdoc-enforced vacation, I took the opportunity to look for another job, and got one. They love me, tell me so all the time, are upfront about EVERYTHING, good or bad -- it's actually a healthy environment for once.

But, I'm still friends with a lot of the people I used to work with. Today I got a phone call from the graphic designer. She doubles as the office computer tech. She was cleaning off two old computers and found piles and piles of emails between my former boss and the office manager, who is the bee-otch from h*ll but twists the knife in your back while she's smiling at you.

These emails document everything everyone in the office had done for about 2 years. They note the time someone went to the bathroom, and how long they took. They noted when someone was at somebody else's desk, chit chatting for two minutes. My friend said one of them noted when I called in a prescription, which I never do -- I get my refills online -- the only time I call about meds is when I need to talk to my pdoc about them. So my calls to my pdoc got recorded. It's just insane.

My ex-boss is a very personable woman, attractive, friendly -- I never expected her to pull crap like this. She was constantly asking me about depression and how the meds work and blah blah blah to "help her understand." Yeah -- what *I* understand now is that it was all bs and deception on her part, when I thought she was on my side.

Come to think of it, that IS pretty depressing.....I feel like I"ve been sold down the river. I'm still in touch with her, giving her news tips I can't use that she might be able to get something out of, etc. Now I feel like I don't know her at all, or even that she's somebody I *want* to know.

So tell me, what does one do when one discovers someone they thought was on your side ... isn't?

Candy

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
So tell me, what does one do when one discovers someone they thought was on your side ... isn't?


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
((((((((((((((Candy))))))))))))))) I'm very sorry you are going thru this feeling. What I did when it happened to me was cry a lot. After a while, it starts to feel better......so 'they' say.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}}} That's got to be the most painful feeling I know of... betrayal! For me it's simple... I just walk away and that person no longer exists for me.

On the inside or when no one is watching, I cry alot and I rant and rave to myself. It takes a while, but that person no longer existing for me is uppermost in my mind. Eventually, they DO become a non-person.

Not very much help, am I?

You're not going to give her any more news tips, are you?

Take care, Hun, and get some sleep tonight. Don't let her steal it from you. She doesn't deserve it!

im so sorry, candy. your question was what does one do when they find out that someone who they thought was on there side, is not. I think you get mad. you cry. you mourn. You seek answers that are often not there. And most important. You let yourself know that you are okay. You are good and Candy, you deserved better.

You betcha, Esther!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Sending affectionate and respectful hugs and thoughts your way, Lady!

(whispers... psst! are you up yet??)

Thanks, you guys. And Sept -- I just got up about 10 minutes ago. I have 3.75 hours to work today, and I haven't done a damn thing. I kept putting off getting up. I'm supposed to have a story in by 6, and it ain't happening. I have zero food or drink in the house, which is probably part of why I'm so draggy, and I have $30 to live on for the next week.

Bah humbug.

In the light of day, I am wondering -- should I confront my little backstabber, or just let it go? I should probably just let it go, but when I'm hurt, I like people to know.

I dunno. I'm just glad I got the heck out of there.

Candy

for starters I don't give them the satifaction of bringing me down. Basically I crash they win. The best way to get revenge on a person like this is prove them wrong. Do what you need to do and go above and beyond what anyone expects of you and then others will see HER in the bad light and swarm to you like flys to sugar. Works EVERY time.

Seem like October is a bad month for us all, I like to call it the "Thinking Month" since this path refer a lot to the past ya know. Maybe I'm just rambling...

It great to have this site.