Medication abuse

If you have a drinking or drug problem please do not read this.

(Using medication and alcohol for uses other than intended)
I want to get drunk & high. I know it will not solve anything and because of my job, I do not use (illegal) drugs and if I drink, I do drink responsibly. But I cannot seem to quiet the thoughts & worries in my head and I have often taken my ambien early so that I can have some peace and quiet in my head. I get the amnesia affect from the ambien.

If I lay down I go to sleep but if I stay up, its almost like I have been drinking and I rather enjoy that feeling. Yes sometimes I have a glass of wine of with it and I "feel" it more.

At some point I know I will have to stay sober and deal with life but for now I just want to crawl in a bottle of alcohol and pills and escape for alittle while.

I dont do this very often but I am craving it more and more. I guess I do this once or twice a week.
I sometimes take pain pills or anxiety pills instead of the ambien. I dont take more than prescribed but I do find if I just have one or two mixed drinks and if I eat light, I can feel it more. Its like getting drunk or high but no hangover the next day.

I know I shouldnt do this and NO I have not told a doctor, they will quit prescribing them.

I do not feel that I have a drug problem, but I do have a "dealing with life" problem.

Hi ~ I don't know if you are in recovery or not, but you are one drink away from a drunk. You are playing with fire, you know that don't you?? You are very close to having a relapse. I wouldn't be surprised if I read very soon that you got stinking drunk. This is VERY dangerous -- and if you're in recovery, you'd better back off now because you're going to lose your sobriety really easily.

If you are in recovery, CALL YOUR SPONSOR if you have one. If you're not in AA, then you're going to have to keep very busy to stop from thinking about this. Perhaps you might even have to dispose of the Ambien for now until you can get more sobriety under your belt. This is no game we're playing -- this is your LIFE we're talking about. I'm in recovery too and the MINUTE I start thinking about getting high, I'm going to talk to my doctor about helping me wean off my meds. I don't have another recovery in me. I couldn't go thru that again. If I get drunk again -- it will kill me.

So perhaps you should get rid of the Ambien -- since that seems to be your drug of choice at the moment -- and stay away from liquor. You might want to hit some meetings too. Just some advice. Hugs, Lee

It's hard to live with the emotions that are so strong without wanting to numb them, I know firsthand.
But you must face them head on if they are ever to truly heal and get better. I hope you can draw from your inner strength to get through this. Hugs.