[Music Rules Me]

Today I found out that my ex is now clinically depressed.
I know we broke up in October 2010, but I still feel guilty about it. My brain can't think of anything that I could've done to hurt him, but in my heart I feel so sodding guilty.

But at the same time (I know this is selfish) I feel jealous. Jealous that he had the balls to go to the doctor and get help (no pun intended), while I never have been able to, even after 6 years. Jealous that other people have accepted this about him. Jealous that he is going to get better after such a short time (It would seem like I'm presuming that it's a short time, but he rather shows his emotions on his face all the time and we saw the change happen.)

I'm so selfish. It's just that he could get himself the help he needed and I'm still sitting here.
The few times i've tried to tell people, they've said "You'll get over it" or "Come on, cheer up". I haven't the energy or guts to get myself any professional help, and i think they know that, but I really struggle to tell people about my feelings. That's why I literally told 2 people about this (one of whom is a friend who lives far away, the other my ex.)

And even if I could manage to bring myself to ask for help or go get it myself, I know that everyone would just think I'm doing it for attention, or trying to take sympathy away from him...but thats just it. I dont want any attention or sympathy. I just want to get better.

But anyway, I think I should stop this post now. It's my second post in a couple of days. I need to stop wasting forum space. Sorry guys. xxx

[online user]

If you don't tell them you are getting help, they won't know. You should do what you need to for yourself. You are NOT responsible for him being depressed--he is--he is responsible for himself. So no need to feel guilty. (I know, I know, easier said than done.)

OK to take up forum space--we are here to help each other. Perfectly fine to reach out for help here. Do call and get yourself some help. Take care!

[Leed]

Good heavens ~ take up all the space you want to here! That's what it's for!

There is no way that you're responsible for his depression! You don't have that power!! None of us has the power to do that to another human being. So you didn't do it!

What you have to concentrate on now is getting YOU well. You DO have the power to get yourself some help. No one will know a thing about it if you don't tell them. So they won't think you're looking for attention or pity. I dont think they would think that anyway. But find a good therapist -- and get some help. You deserve to take care of yourself. You DESERVE to be happy!!! You've wanted and needed therapy for a long time now -- it's time to take care of it. You are strong enough - you have the power to do this! If YOU don't make the appointment, no one else will.

Make the call in the morning. Make that the first thing you do. Call for an appointment. And then let us know, ok?? God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[Xacatecas]

Agreed.

Anonymus therapy certainly has its place, you can be a lot more honest with people you dont know and will never meet than you ever can even with a therapist. If you feel the need to post, you should, im sure the site hosts would much rather you talked about it here than suffer in silence.