Trouble coping...

Apologies in advance for this.

I am so mad with myself right now. I have two appointments to make and keep.

The dentist is important because a new filling is making my mouth swell painfully, and I already missed one appointment by accident.

The debt counsellor is important if I don't want to be carted off to prison or something... worse.

So, yesterday I had a phone call from the debt counsellor and he can see me thursday and I said: "Yes! I'm available all day!" He said he'd call me back when he had checked his appointments. (God knows what I am going to do with the dog while I'm out, but that is another story)

So, this morning I go out to work for two hours, and while there this guy phones my mobile, which I've left on the kitchen side. No message.

Also, while out I call in the dentist and get an emergency appointment for tomorrow because I can't afford to pay today.

I've tried phoning the debt guy back, but think he may have left for the day.

What on earth is wrong with me? Organising a couple of important appointments when I've nothing else to do is not rocket science, and yet for me, the total chaos is just not at all unusual.

Which one is most vital? Do I cancel the dentist? Or do I just wait for tomorrow and hope everything will be okay? (and most likely end up missing them both)

I don't know what it is about a depressed phase that reduces my life skills to absolute zero. A three year old child would do better than me atm. And I so want to sort these things out because then I could actually start working on other issues.

I swear, it's all just like swimming uphill and it's me that makes it this way. I'm just so totally incompetent and useless. Everything I do or don't do seems to make things that little bit worse.

I'd hit myself in the mouth, but it feels like I already did.

And why is it I don't remember to take painkillers until three in the afternoon? The pain is right there. It's not as if it's trying to escape my attention. I'm an idiot!

Sorry.