Trouble coping...

Apologies in advance for this.

I am so mad with myself right now. I have two appointments to make and keep.

The dentist is important because a new filling is making my mouth swell painfully, and I already missed one appointment by accident.

The debt counsellor is important if I don't want to be carted off to prison or something... worse.

So, yesterday I had a phone call from the debt counsellor and he can see me thursday and I said: "Yes! I'm available all day!" He said he'd call me back when he had checked his appointments. (God knows what I am going to do with the dog while I'm out, but that is another story)

So, this morning I go out to work for two hours, and while there this guy phones my mobile, which I've left on the kitchen side. No message.

Also, while out I call in the dentist and get an emergency appointment for tomorrow because I can't afford to pay today.

I've tried phoning the debt guy back, but think he may have left for the day.

What on earth is wrong with me? Organising a couple of important appointments when I've nothing else to do is not rocket science, and yet for me, the total chaos is just not at all unusual.

Which one is most vital? Do I cancel the dentist? Or do I just wait for tomorrow and hope everything will be okay? (and most likely end up missing them both)

I don't know what it is about a depressed phase that reduces my life skills to absolute zero. A three year old child would do better than me atm. And I so want to sort these things out because then I could actually start working on other issues.

I swear, it's all just like swimming uphill and it's me that makes it this way. I'm just so totally incompetent and useless. Everything I do or don't do seems to make things that little bit worse.

I'd hit myself in the mouth, but it feels like I already did.

And why is it I don't remember to take painkillers until three in the afternoon? The pain is right there. It's not as if it's trying to escape my attention. I'm an idiot!

Sorry.

(((((((CharlieJ)))))))
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. It is a lot to balance multiple commitments. My suggestion would be go to the dentist. Getting your physical pain taken care of will make everything else easier. Your debt counselor wont expect you to be sitting by the phone waiting. If he hasn't gotten back to you before you dentist appointment, then he can leave a message and you will get back to him afterwords. Or you could call him and leave him a message saying: I have a dentist appointment and will be gone from X time to Y time. Please know if you call during this time I will not be able to take your call but will get back to you as soon as possible. That way he knows that you are waiting for his call, and if he can, he will hopefully call at a time you are at home. That is my suggestion.

Thank you, Googley for your advice and hugs. I am feeling a lot calmer now.

I suppose I have just been so stressed for so long that things get all out of proportion, and the depressive part of myself is terrified that all help will be withdrawn. Since my T has arranged it, that's clearly nonsense, and I'm not listening to that voice.

Thanks again. And, you're right about dentist first. The pain probably isn't helping.

((((Googley))))

How did your day turn out?

Ha... I got a phone call from the debt guy in the morning, and went to see him then. Instant relief! I heartily recommend it to anyone who's barricaded in their house waiting for that terrifying knock on the door. I am no longer afraid to exist/breathe/answer the door/open my post.

I went to the dentist in the afternoon. They lanced the giant swelling at the back of my mouth and gave me a course of antibiotics. Almost instant relief... I have to go back in a week for the tooth to come out

But I feel better!

Now all I have to worry about is eviction and having to go and live in the woods with my dog.

Charlie

Hey, I've sometimes thought about living in the woods with my dog. Might not be so bad...for a while anyway.

Seriously, though, glad to hear it worked out. Now that you've conquered these two things, you know you can handle a little eviction issue. Right?!! No worries.

But, just for the record, I SO know what it's like to be afraid to go to the mailbox. Ugh! I struggle with that every day.

I can also relate to depression and anxiety making problem-solving seem an impossible task. The simplest things can confuse me. I HATE this illness.