Today has been really hard.

I cried at work. Usually I keep my emotions out of work. Actually, usually I keep the lid on my emotions too much. Today they excaped, big time. But then, 10 minutes later, I was able to go and teach good lessons. Figure that out if you can.

I am due to talk on the phone to my counsellor tomorrow. I don't know what I am going to say.
I am due to see my dr on Friday. I don't know what to say to him either.

Solleagues at work can't understand. Some of them accept that they can't understand how I feel because they haven't been there. Some are frustrated because they think I am angry (I'm not, just feeling unable) or because they feel I am being unreasonable. The problem is that we have been given a list of things which we should be doing all the time. They say because the things are impossible, they can live with that. I can't - I just feel inadequate. Then I feel I should do them. The paper says we should do them so the fact that I can't makes me inadequate and I need to try harder.
I'm stuck. People are telling me maybe I need to be off work. MAybe I do, but there are also lots of arguments for me being at work.
Posting this is scary.

people are work think i'm angry too...Caroline. and i'm not. i'm sad and depressed and scared. i am sending you mega hugs and love, pat

[tamzinrose]

Like you always say to me, take things one step at a time. Break your problems down into smaller ones. *Superhugs* You do what you want to do. Take time for you, if that's what you want, or don't, if you don't want to. It's your choice.

((((((((((((((caroline)))))))))))))))

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((Caroline))))))))))))))))))

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,

I can relate to the crying then perfoming well at work. Ive done it. Been in the loos sobbing them 10 minutes later im on the phone trying to deal with people and doing it well.

I think crying is a little release and when its out we feel a bit better for a time.

As for being off work, only you will know if its the answer, and it is a scary decision to make. Sorta like saying I cant manage anymore when all you really want to do is manage and continue. Dont worry about going or not going sick, if/when the time comes you will know what to do.

For me work keeps me in the real world, stops me losing touch with reality, keeps me a part of things. But there was also a time when i had to be off work (5 months i went sick for) and thats becsue i couldnt carry on. But dont think about if you should or shouldnt. Take each day, do what you have to and if you get to a place where going scik is right for you then do that to. Whatever you decide it will be the right decision for you.

atg

[ozzie]

((((((((((((Caroline))))))))))))))

[Azalysa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
They say because the things are impossible, they can live with that. I can't - I just feel inadequate. Then I feel I should do them. The paper says we should do them so the fact that I can't makes me inadequate and I need to try harder.

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This is something I struggle with at work as well, so I can relate.

I also agree to do what's right for *you* - and be gentle with yourself. Returning to teach well shows what inner strength you have!

{{{{{{Caroline}}}}}}