What can you do when there is no help available?

I have a Pdoc and no therapist. I cannot afford to pay much and my insurance has limited me to those that accept Medicare and Medicaid. I cannot afford to pay the 20% medicare does not cover thus I have no therapist. Then as if that were not enough of a hurdle I am my Mom's only care taker...24/7. She refuses some of the help available...physical therapy, etc...unless I am home too. The world has become a very scary place and not being as physically able does not help. So the different agencies for the aging have not treated mom with respect. They change people at the drop of a hat, do not keep time, and the agencies have kept mom waiting all day with no phone call only to show up the next day and expect to be allowed entry into our home. So I am not receiving much help. I feel overly stressed and Friday my Pdoc said I did not confide in her much.
This news broke my heart. I have not gone into detail about past stuff because she has reminded me several times she is not equipped to help....just that she is willing to listen. We tell her what is going on and fears and still we manage to always put her to sleep. Hurt by this, we have been trying to plan what to talk about so as not to bore her. This has not worked. What are we doing wrong? How can we open up? Pdoc is not skilled in helping us talk. How can we help ourselves talk? Or ....
Not a complete failure, did learn to drive, did complete art school. Yet when Pdoc said I did not confide in her much, we heard: we were not as important to her as Pdoc is to us; we were connected to her but she was not connected to us; Pdoc did not know us; we were not willing to confide in her; we were not trying to confide in her; Somehow we were not trying hard enough;
So hurt by this comment and the loss of my Aunt.
I feel so very alone. My efforts always fall short of the mark. Not a good enough housekeeper. Not a great cook. Not a great caretaker but ...
I am good at feeling sorry for myself and quitting. The few people I felt connected to I now think, is just an illusion. I am not connected to anyone.
I do not plan on exiting or anything like that. I am just so very lost as to what to do. How do I make progress and move forward without any outside help? Is it my fault that I am unable to get out of the mess alone? Am I a weak person? Will I ever be able to connect to another person? Should I read a certain book for help? Am I wrong to ask for help here? Where should I ask for help?

Are there any mental health clinics in your area that accept sliding scale payments? The community resources usually base your fee on income and will work with Medicare/Medicaid for payment options.

Don't feel bad about not be able to find the words with your Pdoc, I went through that for years with my T. Have you ever tried journaling? When I couldn't find words, I would bring in journal entries and we would talk about those.

I definitely think you are trying hard enough, you have a lot on your plate and it's normal to feel overwhelmed with so much going on.

Maybe keep reminding yourself of your successes and don't be so harsh on what you see as failures.

I'm not as good of a cook as I'd like to be, but I manage
My home is not sparkling clean, but it's home and I'm doing the best I can
I dedicate all I can to my mom
I learned to drive
I completed art school

I don't see you as weak or as a quitter at all!

Good heavens ~ I think you're doing a MARVELOUS job!! I don't know how much this Pdoc expects of you, but I think the remark unnecessary. Perhaps you should have mentioned that if she didn't fall asleep, she would have HEARD more!!!

You're doing all that you could possibly do. There aren't enough hours in the day to keep a perfectly spotless house -- and who can really do that anyway?? I'm not a gourmet cook either -- in fact I don't really LIKE to cook, but I get by. I try different recipes that aren't too complicated. But it must be hard for you to cook meals when your mother needs you all the time.

Please don't take the comment to heart. You're doing ALL you can. Like I said before, if she didn't fall asleep, she'd hear more. She's just not paying attention!!! You might have to mention that. Stand up for yourself -- you have to be your own advocate. Try not to be intimidated by her. You have rights too. God bless you ~ you're doing a GREAT job. Hugs, Lee

(((((((((((((Beeme2))))))))))))

If a doctor orders that your mom needs physical therapy than it will be provided, and that goes for someone coming in and helping.

Please don't blame yourself, you really are doing the best that you can. As far as the turnover in assistance for elderly care, well caring and dealing with the elderly can be very difficult and many people often leave that work. Due to the fact that there may require some lifting and many times the elderly are very angry and agressive. Doctors will drop them too if they do not cooperate as there are so many they will only work the the ones the have a better attitude. Even those that care for the elderly have to be careful about their attitude in dealing with doctors. Caregivers and health advocates have to be very patient and it is very difficult.

The fact that you often wait and they do not always show up etc. is not unusual so don't let it get to you. Be prepared to accept them when they can come and do your best to make them feel welcome and if they feel this way, well, then they will be more likely to come back and work with you within a schedule. If you get angry and your mother also has an attitude, well, think about it, would you want to go to someones house where you knew you were going to have a bunch of anger and frustration taken out on you?

Dont ever worry about the house and all that other stuff, caregivers understand the demands and they really don't care. As far as feeling like you cannot connect with friends, well , don't blame them too much. Often people don't understand your situation and find you overwhelming as they don't know what to say or may even fear that you may start asking for help they cannot provide. It has nothing to do about you personally. I don't know if there are support groups for this in your area, try to see if you can find one.

TRY TRY TRY to take time for yourself. You do deserve that and need it for your own sanity.

Let us know how you make out, many good people here that will listen.

Open Eyes

Everyone, thank you so very much. Except for meals today I have done nothing but sleep. It is now 4:45 in the afternoon and I am going to put the lagna you know the long noodle baked product...cannot spell at the moment...that i made earlier in the week in the oven....i sometimes freeze meals like this where all the ingredients are fully cooked just the cheese is not melted. So lazagna oh crap! still cannot spell it. That and broccoli is what is for dinner....then shower and back to bed. Certainly, the sleep has helped my despair. Monday, i will get to work on the home care help and maybe go out and get a starbucks coffee for myself after my doctor's appointment about my new insulin pump.

Glad you have some things you can look ahead to--your dinner sounds fab. You are a good caregiver to plan ahead and be prepared as you are. So good that you could get some extra sleep and baby yourself, take care of you, for you! Sleep can be very restorative. Yes, some of us sleep to escape life when we are depressed, but you surely need this to restore your energy with all the current stressors in your life.

Some things that might help, in lieu of theapy, are mindfulness meditation and Burns, "Feeling Good Handbook". The pdoc I saw in the hospital, who was excellent, recommended them to me to help myself deal with depression. Ypou miight google & see if you can find something online on the mindfulness and amazon.com might have the book. Sometimes you can get used books on there for $4 including the shipping!