[StitchIsAwesome135]

hey guys,

so i'm kinda looking for some insight from anyone who may have been/is in/or just might have input on my current position. for the past few years i've had worsening depression and in the fast few months its really hit its mark and dragged me down as low as it ever has, and my primary concern at the moment is that all the thoughts that are a result of it is going to influence me enough to make some really poor decisions. i am currently a freshman in college finishing up my year in summer school and i can't stand school one bit. the classroom setting just isn't for me. i have major attention problems and progressively get worse and worse marks because i can't seem to keep myself on track with work and going to class and such. dropping out has come to mind many times and i'm always weighing the pros and cons of that decision. i just don't see the point in spending even more money that i by no means can just shell out for 3+ years to get a piece of paper that may or may not actually help me with career goals and having to fight with myself constantly in and out of class to actually get stuff done. i sorta feel that since i am so beyond burnt out at this point that if i continue down this path that mentality will spill over into other areas of life as well.

[Direction]

I'm thinking of some advice I once received about not making any major decisions when I'm in a deep depression. Also, most colleges now have a place you can go to discuss any accomodations you may need. They maybe able to help with keeping on track and attention issues. I'm not really familiar with what they can do I went to college 20 years ago.

[Confusedinomicon]

Here are some things that may help you.

Generally schools have a team of psychologists and psychiatrists who can diagnose you with a disorder (like depression), if you feel you have one. If it is severe enough they may recommend you take time off (I took off a semester) and come back the following year. Then you can start the treatment there. If that isn't an option, talk to them about the accommodations you can receive. They may bring recommend you go to the disability center.

Emailing teachers and telling them you're struggling with the material helps. They may recommend you to a T.A. and extend time on big assignments. If you need help planning out the assignment/paper, you can meet up with the T.A. once a week to make sure you're going in the right track. Professors and T.A.'s have office hours for a reason. They are a resource to use to get help.

If you *really* hate school then maybe it isn't for you. There are other career options you can look at and vocational schools, too.

At the very least you should see a psychologist if you haven't done so already.

[StitchIsAwesome135]

I see an on campus psychologist about once a week but as of now he's just determined that since i'm not able to afford a psychiatrist for testing that we continue with the usual therapy sessions. I'm really paranoid when I go speak to him but I suppose it's better than nothing at all, I just wish I could see some definate conclusions as far as treatment goes seeing as how it's affecting school work and such. It's not that I can't do it, I just have a really hard time making myself actually do things no matter how simple

[InsideOurSkin]

I’m also in college and have been feeling the same way, burnt-out and apathetic. Could it just be the classes that you are currently taking increases your disinterest in college? Since you are a freshman you are probably taking a lot of random general studies classes that may not be the least bit interesting but need to take in order to fulfill a requirement. Or if you are working on classes for your major, maybe your attention problems amplify because it might not be something you want to whole-heartedly pursue.
Are there any other psychologist available for your college? Maybe you should try seeing a different one that will make you feel more comfortable. I wish you the best.

[Confusedinomicon]

Have you tried to email your teachers though?

Many of my professors don't know I have BP, but I've gotten extensions. I tell them I have medical problems and a lot have worked with me.

[StitchIsAwesome135]

no i haven't. i tend to just try to ignore everything when im in class and either daydream the time away or just focus as best i can. since i don't have a formal diagnosis i've never really thought about bringing it up

[Confusedinomicon]

Well, there are available resources to people without a proper diagnosis. If you're not understanding the material, Professors/TAs are required to have Office Hours (well at my university) and there are usually tutoring resources on campus you can sign up for. Often times if you shoot them an email and say something like, "I've come to class but don't understand this concept" they'll gladly email you back OR see you in person if that's what you prefer.

Since college education costs so much, trying to get the best out of it is important! :')

[StitchIsAwesome135]

Right. Def is important haha. I do go to office hours if i can't work stuff out on my own i just usually end up having to scramble to teach myself what i should probably be getting out of class in the first place. its not that i have trouble learning per se, just trouble applying. in high school i had no problem with just showing up and doing fine. now college and my problems set in together and it isn't a good mixture. i sorta just feel like i'm wasting my time in ways

[Confusedinomicon]

Well, you have to remember that college level work intends to be challenging. In highschool I did jack crap and got in the top 5% of class. In college I struggle to stay above a 3.0 and I actually have to /study/. High school doesn't exactly teach you study habits. About the only thing I really learned how to do was write a decent paper in high school. x)

[StitchIsAwesome135]

I learned that quick fast and in a hurry. I just don't retain anything...but I think that's a common trend as far as high schoolers go these days. Seems to bethe case with many people I talk to anyway.

[turquoisesea]

have you considered taking a personal leave of absence to figure this out? Not the worst thing in the world. Also if you have insurance/money it's best to try for your own therapist - depends on your school of course =)

What you DON'T want to do is end up spending that money and not being able to finish a semester. Trust me you don't *has been there* so it's important to get the care you need. Don't be afraid to take a semester off on your terms, maybe work, go to therapy, get some perspective. Or seek out a therapist while in school - just make getting better your priority =)

[StitchIsAwesome135]

Yeah that's a problem. I don't have the money to do that, what i'm recieving now is free, and its serves its purpose but I would just like to get a formal diagnosis. Its really bothering me that I don't know for sure. Alot of it is that I am taking a ton of gen ed courses that I don't really want to take but have to for the degree which was much more tolerable earlier on or in high school but like i said now that i'm getting worse its not easily tolerable. I actually have thought of just taking a semester off but I know that if I stop going altogether I will not go back.