More rambling

I feel pretty bad right now. I've been in an okayish mood today. I went to the cinema with my mum and brother and I was alright. I think it just started going downhill after the filom finished. I had a really bad headache which put me in a bad mood and then my mood just went downhill from there. Things like this always seem to happen to me. I'm sick of headaches and stomach aches. I'm glad I'm finally going to the doctors about it on Tuesday but that still seems like forever away.. Though I'm still really scared at the same time and I don't want the day to ever come.

I'm struggling so much. I'm just going between feeling okay to feeling depressed to feeling lonely and angry and it's getting on my nerves. Also the tiredness is driving me crazy too. I dread waking up everyday. I feel like I've got no reason to be awake anymore.

I'm missing my best friends a lot as well. I'm still not getting to speak to them and see them much and they're the only two people I can speak to a lot. I'm still quite shy around them but they're still amazing to me and I miss their company more than anything. I feel a bit guilty for not being able to tell them any of this and anything thats going on in my life really because they are my best friends after all but I don't want them to worry. They're already busy enough with exams and stuff and I don't think it would make things any easier for them.

Also the fact that I'm going back to college on Monday is making me so scared and anxious too. I had a load of coursework I had to do and I've done nothing. I'm not sure I'll get anything done before Monday and I know I'll be in so much trouble if I do. If I don't get this work done then I'm at risk for failing the whole entire course even though I've only got a few weeks left until I'm done there for good. I just can't seem to do it though. I've lost so much motivation again. I haven't even been doing things like drawing and reading much for the past few days and I usually do them all the time.

I don't know what I'm going to do on Monday. I want to cry thinking about it.

So sorry you are feeling so bad. Glad you are going to the docs. Have your doc write you a note saying that you have been fatigued and depressed (if that's the case) and not up to a normal load of coursework. Take this to your profs and see if you can get an incomplete and finish the coursework over the summer so you don't fail. I had mono one semester in college and my profs were so understanding about letting me do the work when I was able, take tests late, turn assignments in late, just so I did all the course work. I talked to them often and told them how I was feeling and when I couldn't make it to class. I did some of the work in all of the classes and made up some in most. Most of it I was able to do before the end of the term. Maybe try to pick ONE class you can do part of the work in, and get that done so it's not as much on your plate. Contact your profs on Monday if you can--explain about going to the docs on Tuesday and you'll see what doc says but you want to finish your work. Then follow up after the docs and tell them what he/she thinks.

My best wishes for you!

Excellent advice. Persistent headaches and stomach distress, anxiety, loss of interest and motivation, loss of the ability to enjoy formerly pleasurable activities -- these are all real, all significant. In order to benefit from your studies, you need to take care of yourself first.

May Monday not spoil your weekend.