[justfloating]

I haven't been around PC in a while. I'm not sure why, just a lot going on I guess. And I was feeling pretty good once school ended so I was trying to concentrate on maintaining that mood. Now that I'm done school, really DONE, I feel so much lighter. I just want to put the whole thing behind me and get on with my life, and that's what I intend to do. I feel free for the first time in four years.

But yesterday something happened. The short version of this is that my aunt left her good-for-nothing husband a few months ago (this isn't the first time she's left, but it's the first time she's stayed away, and they sold their house and filed the divorce papers so it's for real this time). She's taken up with another man, who we met recently and seemed really nice, and they've gotten a house together, but it turns out he's not the great guy he seems to be either. I feel bad for her because my aunt is a wonderful, hard-working woman and she's had a really rough life and she doesn't deserve any of the stuff that's come at her recently. Anyway, on top of that, I found out last night that early on in their marriage, my grandfather had an affair. I also found out that he never pulled his weight, he refused to lift a finger where his children were concerned, and he made it impossible financially for my grandmother to leave him even though she tried (not to mention that divorce wasn't common for their generation). I knew things weren't always great for my grandparents but I didn't know they were THAT bad. Anyway, hearing about my grandmother, my aunt, as well as a couple of other relatives of mine in similar positions has really triggered me, I think. I've been feeling so terrible for them, feeling angry with my grandfather and then feeling guilty for being angry with him because he's my grandfather, that I think I'm in a bit of emotional overload. I'm just so upset that such good people in my family could be treated so poorly; none of them deserved it, and none of them seemed able to get away without severe consequences. It's just unfair, and it makes me so angry, and it also makes me feel helpless because it's not like I can do anything to help. It's not even really my business.

I felt so good at the start of this week. I'm at home with my family. I'm looking at jobs and thinking about moving out and getting my own apartment and starting out fresh. And now this, and I just want to scream or cry or throw something because of my relatives' problems. I love them and I don't want them to hurt, but there's nothing I can do, and that helplessness is hurting me. I was thinking that maybe I could get away from the depression once I was away from school but it seems like the slightest upset and I start to re-descend into the blackness. How am I ever going to get on with my life when other people's problems seem to have as much of an emotional impact on me as my own? This isn't normal, is it? I'm not saying I don't think I should care, I just wish I could care without being overwhelmed.

[Direction]

I think a better word to describe what you are feeling is empathy.

I recently came across a post about that lead me to some writing about "Emotional Empaths". Here's the link http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-A...-empath-EF.htm

I completely identified with this...

[Perna]

My grandfather had a mistress for 20+ years; my grandmother refused to give him a divorce because that would have lowered her social standing back then, etc. I still have trouble with his having had a mistress.

One thing that helps me is to realize that other generations have different sorts of problems because of the times in which they live and it's very different for them, living their lives, than it is for us and there's no way to truly understand what they are going through. It's a little like hurting really bad for an animal, we can't experience life they way they do because they're a different species and we tend to get anthropomorphic.

I think a lot of how you feel about your relatives' issues are based on how you think you would feel if they were your issues. It can be hard to keep ourselves out of other people's equations :-) I try to do that by remembering how I feel when I am sick/in the hospital versus how I feel about other people when they are sick/in the hospital; my own experiences I understand/don't seem so bad to me as other people's but they probably seem the same to other people (their own experiences) as mine do to me? I think we are all pretty "comfortable" with/know our own issues and, though we don't like them, we live with them okay? Other people live with theirs the same way (your grandmother and aunt, for example, don't feel as extreme about their own situations as you appear to about their situations).

[Heisenberg]

*hugs* It's normal Justfloating, very normal to care so much about your family members. As to it affecting you so much as to start a depression, that's normal too, at least for me. I had a very difficult time when my parents separated almost 7 years ago. I was angry and upset and guilty for feeling that way since I still loved both of them. Even the suffering of people I don't know can sometimes start a depression for me, but I'm a very empathetic person.

As for your Aunt, give her all the love and support you can. With what she's going through it sounds like she'll need a shoulder to cry on, or even cry with her. For the situation with your grandfather it sounds like you're confused as to whether or not you'll forgive him. He is your grandfather and you will always love him. I'd suggest looking at the person he is now and asking your grandmother if she's happy with him now.
Those are just my opinions and suggestions. I can't say that I have much experience in this area, but I hope it helps. =)

[turquoisesea]

don't forget that depression doesn't have to stay. If you get yourself in a better environment for you, your depression may not be as bad/around as much. School was REALLY stressful for you.

I think it's normal esp for people with depression to get overwhelmed easily *hugs*

[Rohag]

Hello, Justfloating! First, CONGRATULATIONS on your graduation!

Portions (not necessarily all) of this article, Too Much Empathy? by Nina Brown, may be helpful. I recommend the "Psychological Boundaries" and "Stop Catching Emotions" sections at the end. What you describe above sounds like "catching emotions," something that affects me.

Wishing you a restful summer and a naturally growing vision of where next!