[Indie'sOK]

Hi everyone,
I know I don't usually post in this forum, so I'm sorry for coming here first thing with questions..
But last week in T, my therapist and I were discussing my depression (or what appears to be - I've never become fully convinced) She says I really don't fit the category of major depression, rather dysthymia. I've been familiar with this dx because I've done research on it. So I went to the wikipedia page for this disorder, and it sounds...just like me. Of course. The reason I still am not convinced is because it doesn't make sense to me. So I've felt sad for years, since about the age of 11 or 12, but isn't that normal for teenagers? It was never just normal sadness, though. It was deeper than that. Still is. I don't know if it's hopelessness or not.
Ok, so maybe that fits the dx, but what about the fact that I laugh? I laugh! I'm a funny person! How is that characteristic of depression?
The other symptoms fit to a T. Irritability, low self-esteem, lack of motivation etc. Some things come and go, like sleep and eating issues (too much of both).

I just don't get it. I apologize if I've written one of these "what's wrong with me can you help me I don't get it" posts before. I guess what I'm asking is, does anyone have this, and does this sound like it could be depression or dysthymia? I guess my self-image and confidence are what I struggle with most. I hate my body. When it's about my work (art and writing) I'll feel great about it for awhile, then think it's crap.

Thanks for any help. Maybe I just need a kick in the pants.

[Umbral_Seraph]

Hmm, I can't really say for sure. I know that in my own experience there is almost no ebb and flow to what I feel, just a constant sadness, hopelessness, lack of motivation/self-esteem that permeates every aspect of my life that I just can't get rid of. I cannot remember ever feeling any different and I know from others how little I've changed in my attitudes since I was little. However, I've never totally lost my ability to function, which I think is important for the diagnosis of dysthymia. I guess it comes down to which you think it is.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by Umbral_Seraph

Hmm, I can't really say for sure. I know that in my own experience there is almost no ebb and flow to what I feel, just a constant sadness, hopelessness, lack of motivation/self-esteem that permeates every aspect of my life that I just can't get rid of. I cannot remember ever feeling any different and I know from others how little I've changed in my attitudes since I was little. However, I've never totally lost my ability to function, which I think is important for the diagnosis of dysthymia. I guess it comes down to which you think it is.

I guess what I meant to say is that my sad feelings at times lie dormant underneath the more lighthearted feelings on the surface, you know?...Especially the irritability. You have never met a person more irritable than I. I try to lift my moods with humor and sometimes am able to, temporarily of course, but always there is the original, deeper crap under the surface. I hope this makes sense. I feel like I have to justify my feelings to others because I'm not even able to accurately describe them in the first place.

[unaluna]

I prescribe a dose of Woody Allen's "Annie Hall" for the link between being a funny person and being depressed at the same time. I've seen it at least ten times (since the late 70's to just recently), and always find something new and relevant in it. (Apologies if you've already seen it. I was amazed to find out there were people who hadn't seen THE GODFATHER, so I don't assume anything anymore!)

There was also a Canadian documentary few years ago on Curmudgeons - people who raise being irritable to an art form. see tvo.org or search cbc.tv

Just the act of writing (and reading) on PC elevates my mood, although it doesn't do much for my motivation...

You sound about right for an artist to me, though! Feelings out onto the paper, you have a way. Have you looked into books or classes on art therapy? An ED type class I took had us draw a little and I was quite surprised at what came out about how I felt about myself.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by hankster

I prescribe a dose of Woody Allen's "Annie Hall" for the link between being a funny person and being depressed at the same time. I've seen it at least ten times (since the late 70's to just recently), and always find something new and relevant in it. (Apologies if you've already seen it. I was amazed to find out there were people who hadn't seen THE GODFATHER, so I don't assume anything anymore!)

There was also a Canadian documentary few years ago on Curmudgeons - people who raise being irritable to an art form. see tvo.org or search cbc.tv

Just the act of writing (and reading) on PC elevates my mood, although it doesn't do much for my motivation...

You sound about right for an artist to me, though! Feelings out onto the paper, you have a way. Have you looked into books or classes on art therapy? An ED type class I took had us draw a little and I was quite surprised at what came out about how I felt about myself.

Thanks for the suggestion! Actually I haven't seen either. That's what I've been trying to figure out as of late, whether or not all my "issues" can be chalked up to simply having an artistic mentality. I shall bring this to T..