[Rose76]

My problem with depression just gets worse as time goes on. Well, now and then, I get a few good days and think I'm turning things around, but then that just collapses.

My significant other is away visiting his children far away. I was fine for the first 3 or 4 days after he left. Since 2 days ago, I have been severely depressed. I think it may be because there is no one in my life other than him. I know a normal reaction to that can be "What are you doing to connect with others?" I have been told that by therapists.

I have never been diagnosed with social avoidant personality disorder. There truly is something very abnormal in my isolating tendencies. My mother told me I was that way from the age of being a toddler. It would mean a lot to me if the professionals would understand how hard it is to live with that inhibiting tendency.

I leave my television on in the living room now when I go into the bedroom to lie down for the night. I leave the television on because it creates a sense of me not being completely alone. After it has been on during the evening, I am afraid to turn it off. I think I am losing my sanity. No professional I've talked to seems to understand my problem at all. All I get is a new prescription for a new anti-depressant.

I strongly believe that psychiatrists do not look for or have any willingness to acknowledge personality disorders except in the case of severe abnormal behavior, especially antisocial behavior. I am well-behaved and have never been in trouble with the law.

By giving me prescription after prescription for one anti-depressant after another, they are refusing to hear my real problem.

I am in despair.

[unaluna]

Kurt Vonnegut wrote a book of of short stories called Welcome To The Monkey House. I forget the reasoning for his title, but here is mine. Baby chimps raised without a mother, just a ticking clock (to simulate a heartbeat) and a blanket, can't nurture or socialize as adults. My mother said I MOTIONED with my head to be returned to my crib, from the living room, at 2 weeks old. Redonkulous. So we meet here. Welcome to the monkey house.

[Jmall]

That's a good book. Just read it actually.

[Rose76]

My parents were nurturing toward me, and I have a good ability to be nurturing toward others. I've been told that often enough.

Something did go wrong in my makeup very early in life.

I am in the Monkey House for sure. Leaving the TV on is like the monkey listening to the ticking clock.

It is awful.

[yellowted]

i leave my tv on all night too, it is like a comfort blanket, it surrounds me with sound, blocking out the creaks of a cooling house and the shaddows from the moon, i try to socialise, but seem to mess it up and get hurt every time, now i am scared to even try any more. adults are far too complex for me to work out, as i used to say when i owned/ran a preschool the children are great, its the parents which are the problem!!!!
professionals do seem to focus on the easy option, not realising the difference between cause and effect. my inability to walk is put down to my being depressed/dissociating ...derrr .... no the inability to walk, or get out of the house caused the depression!even when presented with a time line of symptoms they still insist depression is the cause! why? because depression is easily dealy with by popping pills where finding the actual cause means hard work on their part!

[Rose76]

Thanks Yellowted. It is disappointing that professionals are apt to oversimplify, and not make a more careful analysis. And, yes, in my experience, they sometimes put the cart before the horse.