[PityPartyof1]

My sister keeps telling me she wishes I was the old me; my mom tells me I don't believe in anything; I'm telling myself I've been sitting on the fence for far too long, and all the while these catalysts are the culprit of my misery.

I have too many life crises happening all at the same time and it's interfering with my ability to have a sound, stable mind. I'm generally not happy. I'm avoiding my phone (unless it's a prospective interview), avoiding my friends (unless it's the one who is graciously letting me bum on her couch) and the only thing that is appearing to make me happy is the food in the fridge. It's not even the food, it's the condiments. I'm drinking coffee creamer straight from the bottle, spooning butter out of the tub and chugging sugar like it's water. But as I am staring at the bottom of the bottle, tub and bag, I don't see happiness staring back at me. I see a sad woman who has gained 25 lbs in a few weeks, a sister that has drastically fallen off course, a daughter that doubts the successful likeliness of her future, and me, someone who has created a failing reputation only to leave ugliness along my path.

But what do I do when all this ugliness is staring back at me? What do I do when I've lost all my motivation? NPC competitor/future attorney/beautiful woman with aspirations? Where did I go? And how did I get so far off track? I may have a pretty face but I definately feel ugly and rotting from the inside out; like I'm stuck in neutral at a permanent red light..or maybe the battery died.

How do I recharge it?

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, PityPartyof1!

As tempting as it is to read what you've described as symptoms of clinical depression, it might be valuable to get a full medical work-up. Various illnesses can masquerade as depression, and depression can accompany other illnesses.

How long have you not been your normal/former self?

[kjb1985]

I feel the same way, I have alot inside but cannot charge myself to let it out. I dont know how to recharge and wish I could answer your question. But im avoiding everyone as well. Howlong have you been like this?

[PityPartyof1]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, PityPartyof1!

As tempting as it is to read what you've described as symptoms of clinical depression, it might be valuable to get a full medical work-up. Various illnesses can masquerade as depression, and depression can accompany other illnesses.

How long have you not been your normal/former self?

I have been like this for a few months, possibly longer in some sort of mild mania.

I can't see a therapist, as badly as I want to, because I have no income and don't qualify for Medicaid where I live. In other words, I am poor and stuck unless I can get a job and pay for it myself.

That's what brought me here. And the fact that I think my friends and family are tired of hearing me like this. Theres noone else to talk to.

[PityPartyof1]

Originally Posted by kjb1985

I feel the same way, I have alot inside but cannot charge myself to let it out. I dont know how to recharge and wish I could answer your question. But im avoiding everyone as well. Howlong have you been like this?

I have alot inside and I want to change it. But I am alone in my conquest which is why I avoid everything. Noone is there anyway so may as well just be me.

I've been in this mental capacity since April and it's progressively gotten worse where I have contemplated the "s" word we're not supposed to mention. My father did it, I don't know why but I'm sure it's for the same reason.

I feel like I need to be living in a residential treatment facility. But I'm SOL.

[Fuzzybear]