Family

Is it better to have a family where everyone is estranged from one another, like having no family. They are there, but may as well not be.

or

To have no family at all?

Bigcasper, IMO it is better to have an estrange family than no family. There's always some hope that you will all get back togethter someday.

I'm estrange from one of my brothers which I have no intention as of today to see him. But someday I may be ready to forgive him.

So I would say family is better.

Okay, my older sister wants nothing to do with me. I get messages from my mother that were generated by my older sister. No one wants contact with my younger sister. She appears to be the bunt of jokes from family...I have to admit she is a bit weird.

My in-law family is more friendly than my personal family. And I have been divorced for 26 years; 1985.

My family is the root of much stress for me.

I'm curious about how you fit in here. How is your relationship w/ your "weird" sister?

My family I consider odd. I have never liked the fact that I am estranged from my sisters; not my idea.

I was raised in a violent environment household, nothing new to most on this board, so much so that either I nor my siblings can recall even birthdays or holidays. Until about 10 years ago, the three of us remained estranged from my father. At that time my older sister decided to bridge the gap. I participated only for lunch on holidays and his birthday.

About six years ago after one of my aunt's died of breast cancer (it is inherited in may mother's side of the family; all females going back three/four generations) that I reached out to both my sisters. When my aunt was dxd my mother decided it was time to heal their relationship. My mother and my anut did that and both enjoyed what was left of their time together.

So, I wrote a letter to my sisters asking to heal our relationship. SIX MONTHS, on the same day, I received an email from both, containing almost the exact same words, and that I had my family and they had theirs and lets leave it at that.

Today, my older sister still lives where she has been since age 18 (now 66 yrs) and my younger sister just moved to another state. My mother is the only one who hears from either of them.

My father is 90 and when he goes into the hospital I hear about it from my mother who hear of it from my older sister. She has already stated a couple of years ago that when he dies she may just not tell either of her sisters; just bury him and leave it at that.

When my mother (86) is hospitalized I hear about it from my mother once she is home. The call is usually, "guess where I have been"

Seems I am the only one who cares about relationships. The decision was made years ago that we would NEVER exchange gifts of any kind. Last Xmas I attempted to give gifts, but my mother talked me out of doing it. The gifts did go to good use. I gave them to my oldest daughter and her daughter. A bowl intended for my mother is on my dining table.

As to my signature quote. Most days I don't believe them, but I do hope they may encourage someone else.

Actually, I don't care for life. It is fair to hard living. But, here I am living for my children and grandchildren, not for myself. Until recently, the last few years, my life has been fraught with crisis after crisis.

Wow, what a cold family. Sounds a bit like mine. The family you're born into aren't necessarily the ones who love you most. It's a nice idea, but for many people, a positive relationship with family members is just a fantasy. My employer is more caring toward me than all of my family combined. Many times I think that my family may as well be dead for all the contact I have with them. Sure, we talk and get together occasionally, but our relationships are very shallow. I rarely hear from my brother. He talks to my parents but he doesn't bother to call me. I talk to my parents and get the news about my brother's family from them. I call my brother and almost always get the answering machine. They never return my calls or emails. But then they don't check their answering machine or emails on a regular basis anyway. Still, it would be nice if my brother would actually call me once in a blue moon.

So, no, your family is not weird, by my standards. What I find amazing is that your mother and her sister even tried to heal their relationship, let alone actually succeed. I find that to be more of an anomaly than your family's general behavior...

To answer your question, I suppose I would feel even lonelier if my family were gone than if we were merely estranged.

I don't know. Both has its pros and cons I suppose. To be estranged would cause a lot of stress. A lot of difficult decisions, and depending on the extent of "estranged" could cause a lot of arguments. But on the flip side you can always have hope that something will change. You know there are others out there that carry the same blood. That you are not alone- even when it feels like it.

However, to have no family at all would alieviate stress of trying to deal with a severly dysfunctional family. It wouldn't leave you with decisions of what to do next or how and who to deal with. Coming from a social isolate, this would probably be my preference. (however, my family isn't estranged and only slightly dysfunctional so who am I to speak on such things?) And to have no family at all- can cause more feelings of aloneness and hopelessness. I would think.