My appointment was canceled

I had an appointment scheduled for my psych nurse practitioner for tomorrow and I wasn't home tonight but they left a message that she had to cancel because she had a meeting that she had to be at. I have to call back in the morning to reschedule. It's been six weeks since I last saw her and usually I do okay. I get med for anxiety and depression. For the last 1-2 weeks, I couldn't wait for this appointment. Even a little part of me is taking this personally and I know it's not and these things happen, but it's a first for me and I'm ready to give up. I've been thinking more about dying, maybe not suicidal yet, but I truly want to die. And if I was suicidal, I think this would be it. I just really want my life over, I'm 56, have lived long enough, and really wanted to see her. I can't wish any harder to die. Don't know how to do it though, don't want it to be painful, but guess I have to wait until the morning to schedule to see her again. I thought about calling and making appointment with the therapist, but really don't want to do that yet. I wanted to ask to see a different therapist in that practice. I feel rejected in an odd way. No other way to explain it. I hate life, hate my life, nothing much else to say at this point. Does anyone else feel like this if it's happened to you?

I often feel this way when an appointment gets cancelled.....luckily it has only been a couple of times. I tend to take it very personally. About 5 months ago, my appointment with my pdoc got cancelled because of a blizzard. Pretty much everything in town was shut down that day. I was very angry and remember trying to find a way to blame myself for the appointment getting cancelled. Looking back, I can see how silly it was....I have no control over the weather ! I ended having to tell myself over and over that it wasn't my fault and the cancellation had nothing to do with me personally. Don't give up. Call tomorrow and reschedule, and when you do get in, make sure to tell her about what you are feeling. Also, talking to someone that you trust and is supportive between now and when you can get in might be helpful. Take care of yourself and stay safe.

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