[anothersadperson]

I dont remember a time in my life where ive been totally happy but for the past approximately 2 years i have been extremely depressed as a result of my social anxiety and loneliness. I have always found social situations 'awkward', infact the last time i remember frequently leaving my house for social reasons was when i was about 13 (im now 22). I then became more and more of a recluse from there on, i went out with my friends less and less outside of school, then upon leaving school i stopped doing things with my friends more and more until the point where i have not left my house for social reasons for about 2/3 years. I no longer have any friends and although my family is nice and supportive they cannot help me. I have not spoken to anyone in person about my problems, i simply cant. My parents will just tell me to go to a doctor. Doctors will just pescribe me with a drug that i dont want. I dont feel a psychiatrist can help me. Ive become extremely lonely and depressed. My self esteem is extremely low and although im not a bad looking person i simply cannot accept my inperfections, no matter how hard ive tried. I feel i am in so deep that i cannot make a recovery. I cannot throw myself into social activities to make friends because of my social anxiety. I no longer find anything enjoyabe and nothing at all interests me, this leaves me with the motivation to try nothing. I feel like im in a corner with no way out, every possible path i need to take to fix myself, i cant bring myself to walk down wether its my self esteem, depression or social anxiety stopping me. I hate it and i hate the person i am, im so sad it hurts. I feel so lost and lonely i cry randomly, its pathetic. There is no reason why i should feel like this, ive had a very normal life without any trauma, this only makes me feel guilty for the way i am. Guilt i dont deserve to feel when theres so many more out there in far worse situations.
I just want to live my life and be happy, but i truly beleive i will never get there. Sometimes i feel like giving my life and donating what i have to give someone else a shot at life. Someone who can appreciate life.

Sorry, needed somewhere to vent.

Any advice or comments are welcomed, thanks.

[shezbut]

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling so sad and lonely.

Seek out whatever slim hope that you have in life and reach out for help. The hope is precious! IMO, hope is the greatest emotion ~ the most necessary emotion ~ to have in life. Please do reach out to work with a therapist. No reason to put yourself down for feeling this way. (I know, it doesn't matter what I think) One doesn't require valid psychological causes to seek help working through depression.

Science has proven that depression is a medical illness. The brain is not getting feel-good neurotransmitters. Anti-depressants fight the illness by providing the brain with more good neurotransmitters. It takes a little time to get the brain medically balanced...and working with a therapist about managing these dark thoughts and emotions help you get through the day. Through the hour. etc. That is worth working towards. Because there are positive parts of life that we all can enjoy.

Gentle hugs to you ~ You aren't alone.

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- this is miserable, isn't it !! I too have been depressed for as long as I can remember -- even as a child. I lived like that for a long time, until I finally decided i'd had enough.

I DID go to my medical doctor and he said i was suffering from depression. He recommended 2 things -- an antidepressant, and therapy. I DID take the medication and I still do after many years. I know you said you don't want to medicate, but think of it this way: If you were a diabetic, you'd take insulin, right??? Well, depression is a disease too, and many times we need medication to feel "normal" (whatever that is.). Medications replace the elements that are missing that normally make us feel good. Some of us just don't produce the seratonin, etc., that is needed.

I also went to therapy -- I've been in and out of therapy most of my life, and it DID help -- but I still need the antidepressant. I've tried going off of it and almost immediately I fell into the pits of despair.

So talk to your doctor -- he'll understand and will help you. God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[my3sns]

huge hugs...i can relate so much!!!!! plz try to find some hope to hold on to..and maybe just maybe you could find a therapist or someone tht you trust and can talk to!

[anothersadperson]

Thanks a lot for the replies guys, its nice knowing there's people out there that care. Sadly, today I lost my job, I fear things are going to get a lot worse for me.

I just want to be happy and then another thing drags me down further. So hopeless, I don't know what to do.

[anothersadperson]

Ive lost all links to a normal social life (friends etc).
My depression has left me with 0 hobbies or even interests in anything at all.
I dont have the motivation or confidence to just throw myself into something new.
I have lead such a boring and simple life for the past 2 years that ive lost all social skills.
Ive become such a boring person, NOBODY can find me interesting, theres nothing there. I just exist.

How do i rebuild my life? where do i even begin?

[sickofmybathrobe]

I've been thinking of a plan to "rebuild my life" as well, and I decided to get ahold of an old friend or two, someone I used to be friends with when I used to be social. I haven't done it yet, I haven't even decided who, but I'm putting it out there to you. The rest of the plan is to see this person and not give them a blow-by-blow account of all the crap that's happened to me in the past four years (many bad things happened and my depression is much worse, I've basically dropped off the face of the earth), but ask them about themselves and other people I used to hang out with. Making new friends is hard for me, I'm very shy and anxious when I'm around people I don't know. I'm so sorry you lost your job. I'm unemployed as well, I can relate.

[Leed]

Gosh, that's all you needed! I'm so sorry you lost your job.

You described me to a "T" -- BEFORE I was on medication for depression. I stopped doing everything -- even the hobbies that I'd enjoyed for so many years. All I wanted to do was stay in the house or sleep. That's not healthy. You sound like you're in a pretty deep depression!

Why not talk to your doctor? He CAN help you with this. I'm glad i did.

Please stay in touch with us -- and let us know how you're doing. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[over]

I can relate to just about everything you've posted, anothersadperson. I'm sorry you lost your job. Wish I had something more helpful to say, but I'm in the same boat.