[lovelacegrrrl]

Haven't posted in a while... Been a lot going on in my life. I was kinda down today. Been working a lot of extra hours lately in order to pay for school. I'm also supporting my boyfriend of 3 years. He recently applied for a job but didnt get it. Anyhow, I'm working a lot, paying all the bills etc. I have been going to school for my RN without any financial aide and without much assistance from family. I recently moved out of my boyfriends place with his folks because it seemed like it was just too small and we were fighting a lot. I am unable to afford a car atm so I asked him for a ride and he seemed kinda irritated about it but came n got me. I dunno...I told him tonight he seems ambivalent towards me and our relationship and he came back saying he didn't really want to see me much because I'm such a downer all the time and how happy he had been all day until he saw me because I'm always so negative. I was basically looking for some support from him and got shot down pretty hard instead. I don't know what to do. I'm so depressed....I feel that at this stage of my life I should have a lot more going for me but am stuck living with my parents with no car, paying all the bills for me and my boyfriend and little emotional support. And now I just feel incredibly guilty for being depressed over the way my life has been going. He told me he wanted me to be happy about something, anything in life. I just don't have a lot of joy right now. I am very very stressed...but I feel like if I at least had someone who showed that they loved me and wanted to see me, it would help. I find myself wishing I had never been born or some accident would kill me because I'm too scared to do anything deliberate for now. I just don't see the point in this uphill battle...

[emptybee15]

I just posted something similar to this. I swear I'm tired of just funtioning every day and not really living.

I don't really have any advice because I'm going through the same thing and can't find anything to relieve the symptoms. I can only hope things get better for both us.

[akekaomen]

Relationships are the hardest when you're depressed. I think it's a clear fact that you have a lot on your plate. I was fortunate my wife was willing to help out during my depression to get me to different treatments, etc... But there was a long time when I was responsible for all bills, etc... Currently I am the only one supporting our family, but what helped me was a division of labor on some things.

I don't know how strong your relationship is, but it may be necessary to be somewhat clear about what you need. Remember no one can read your mind and he probably is confused as well since depression isn't a nice disease with a nice and perfectly clear cause & effect solutions.

You could also try to frame some of what you need in a way that makes him feel like he's helping. Perhaps listing those things that he could do to take off some of the burden and that by doing so it will help you work toward finding those things that can make you happy.

I do suggest getting to the doctor and therapist as well if you haven't already. Lastly don't apologize for your feelings. They are what you feel and you can't change that. Feeling guilty is hard to fight, but you're not guilty of anything. You're a human being with emotions and a breaking point. You're now at your limit, and it's OK to ask others for help. If someone you ask for help says "no", it is not your fault.

[lovelacegrrrl]

EmptyBee15, I hear you! I feel like I'm a workhorse on a treadmill....just marching, making that money. I go out once in a while but mostly just work.
Akekaomen: you're right. Relationships are hardest when you're depressed. I can't help but feel guilty about my feelings. I know I'm a downer most of the time...
Our relationship is not the strongest. It has been tested quite a bit lately. My family and my boyfriend do not get along at all. Not even slightly. It only started after my sister's boyfriend started in with making up stories about my boyfriend and basically trying to start something along with being sexually inappropriate with me. Now generally my boyfriend is pretty mellow but when he gets mad he has got quite a temper. Now he wants to fight my sisters boyfriend and my dad because my dad actually kicked him out of the house a few months back and ended up physically hurting my boyfriend who already had a dislocated finger from a bicycle accident. I just want everything to be normal again...But I am horrified at my family's behavior. They do not believe that my sister's boyfriend has done anything wrong. That hurts a lot because I thought my own family would believe me. It is a long convoluted story I know... Anyhow that is a HUGE part of what has exacerbated my depression. I just don't know how to fix it.

[Gidzmo]

I'm feeling overwhelmed myself. Work is going sideways financially (but we are getting some work in). It's been a matter of getting people to pay. I'm happy when it's Friday night and increasingly anxious on Sunday night.

Now I'm looking for a second job (you'd be surprised at how many are taking applications online).

[lovelacegrrrl]

Originally Posted by Gidzmo

I'm feeling overwhelmed myself. Work is going sideways financially (but we are getting some work in). It's been a matter of getting people to pay. I'm happy when it's Friday night and increasingly anxious on Sunday night.

Now I'm looking for a second job (you'd be surprised at how many are taking applications online).

I know the market is so tough for people right now. Honestly, I am immensely grateful for my chosen profession because I've never had any difficulty finding work. Still...I suppose we all get overwhelmed at times despite our blessings. I do hope that you are able to find some good work though.