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Grand Member
Member Since May 2004
Location: Inside myself
Posts: 986
20 
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Dec 21, 2005 at 04:39 AM
#1
I'm so weak and foolish, I cry for no apparent reason.
I want to feel as much pain as I can physically inflict on myself...though I feel none but inside. I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me Coward crybaby weak foolish no good nobody I suck I want to cut I want to burn my skin...feel the sizzle before numbness I want to bite, until my jaw locks up from overuse I want to bleed and hurt I want to cry I want to not feel this way I want to not feel anymore I want to leave this place and its hells behind I want to to be happy I don't want to be alone anymore I don't want to hurt anymore I don't want to cry anymore I don't want to care anymore I wish I didn't love I wish I could just hate, turn it all towards myself... rid the world of hate as I take the hate out on myself leaving none for anyone else to feel, to suffer through |
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,944
20
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Dec 21, 2005 at 06:08 AM
#2
I've been feeling this way a lot lately. Please do not hurt yourself. We would definitely miss your wonderful personality and a wonderful friend! I know it's really hard to hang in there when you're feeling so terrible, but please try. I, too, only want to be happy and it's strange how sometimes hurting yourself can bring you closer to that. We just need to find other ways to find that happiness.
__________________ "When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2004
Location: Inside myself
Posts: 986
20
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Dec 21, 2005 at 06:16 AM
#3
I think I messed up...I wrote two posts and this one was supposed to be in SI forum and the one there was supposed to be here...I think. I don't remember for sure, but it seems like I might have gotten them backwards
 
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,944
20
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Dec 21, 2005 at 06:19 AM
#4
It happens to the best of us! I'm not gonna say anything! I really don't care where you post as long as you get it out and receive the support you deserve!
__________________ "When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2004
Location: Inside myself
Posts: 986
20
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Dec 21, 2005 at 06:25 AM
#5
{{{{{Lexi}}}}}} Sorry that you feel this way too...and thank you, I know it technically doesn't matter-I suppose. But it makes me feel stupid
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,841
18
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Dec 21, 2005 at 10:46 AM
#6
Beautiful Pain,
What's got you down? Is it Christmas? Please don't hurt yourself. A lot of people care about you. Jane |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,465
(SuperPoster!)
22 81.4k hugs
given
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Dec 21, 2005 at 11:10 AM
#7
((((((((((((((((((((BP))))))))))))))))))))
 Thinking of you, Fuzzy __________________ 
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,709
19
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Dec 21, 2005 at 01:52 PM
#8
((((((((((((BP)))))))))))))) Sorry you feel this way too.
__________________  His & Hers Depression Blog http://his-hers.ozzieblackcat.com/ Avon Website http://youravon.com/susanking |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2004
Location: Inside myself
Posts: 986
20
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Dec 21, 2005 at 06:50 PM
#9
Jane, its not christmas...really. I like xmas well enough. But its adding a bit to the overwhelming feelings I suppose
{{{{Jane}}}} {{{{{Fuzzy}}}}} {{{{Susan}}}} Thank you for taking the time to reply, it does help a bit =) |
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2005
Posts: 732
18 |
Dec 21, 2005 at 09:39 PM
#10
When I first read your post, I found myself unable to read it fully because of my starting to think "I hate me" in response to your comments.
Then I remembered that I had a post from you earlier concerning your family. I think it was a sister and her new baby. It sounded like you have revealed an lot of stuff. It sounded like you really struggled to post that story. I think that you may just need to recover some from what you have posted so far. Keep up the hard work. I hope you feel better soon. But, as I'm sure you know more than I do, it is hard when you are dealing with a hard thing like that. I hope you have someone in real life to talk to about all of this. |
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Posts: n/a
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Dec 21, 2005 at 10:57 PM
#11
keeping you in my thoughts. xoxoxo pat
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2004
Location: Inside myself
Posts: 986
20
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Dec 22, 2005 at 01:37 AM
#12
I feel very unreal...like I am dissolving =( My head feels so much smaller, soon it will be gone...maybe I am shrinking into non existance--nothingness
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 1,392
19 |
Dec 22, 2005 at 02:13 AM
#13
Hey BP, hang on in there. this too shall pass........ sending you nudgy bunny bumpies, hope you feel better soon. I think you're swell.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2005
Posts: 1,542
18 |
Dec 22, 2005 at 02:21 AM
#14
You helped me more than anyone or anything B.P. and yet you were in such pain...there are no words for the way I feel about you. Because of you I've decided that I do have the strength to seek professional help. I thankyou with all my heart Beautiful Pain...I hope this finds you feeling better.
Mystry |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2004
Location: Inside myself
Posts: 986
20
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Dec 22, 2005 at 06:38 AM
#15
}}}}} Bunny {{{{{
{{{{{Mystry}}}}} Helping you was the only good thing I did last night...I'm so glad I was able to help at all. I'm so glad you are going to get help, all the best to you. =) Not feeling any better today...just not as weepy. I feel like I am dissolving, my head feels smaller and feels like it will spin off occasionally...I do think it will be hospital time soon, if something doesn't stop it. =/ |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 737
19 2 hugs
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Dec 22, 2005 at 09:34 AM
#16
{{{{{BP}}}}}}
Please stay safe...one second at a time! Whenever I see your sigs I smile - the bright colors always perk up my day! Is the "head getting smaller" feeling connected at all to any new meds or dosages? Most warmly, __________________ 
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 1,392
19 |
Dec 22, 2005 at 10:10 AM
#17
Hey Beautiful, just checking in, sorry it's still yukky.
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2004
Location: Inside myself
Posts: 986
20
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Dec 22, 2005 at 02:54 PM
#18
Nope, my meds are unchanged...its just psychosis, I think. =/
Thank you for the concern though, {{{azalysa))) Thanks for checking up on me }}}}}Bunny{{{{{ =) |
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2003
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,224
21
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Dec 22, 2005 at 05:02 PM
#19
Hey BP - am thinking about you. I'm sure this weather can't be helping either. I'm sending you positive vibes ~~~
__________________ thatsallicantypewithonehand |
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