I hate me

I'm so weak and foolish, I cry for no apparent reason.

I want to feel as much pain as I can physically inflict on myself...though I feel none but inside.

I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me
Coward
crybaby
weak foolish
no good
nobody
I suck
I want to cut
I want to burn my skin...feel the sizzle before numbness
I want to bite, until my jaw locks up from overuse
I want to bleed and hurt
I want to cry
I want to not feel this way
I want to not feel anymore
I want to leave this place and its hells behind
I want to to be happy
I don't want to be alone anymore
I don't want to hurt anymore
I don't want to cry anymore

I don't want to care anymore
I wish I didn't love
I wish I could just hate, turn it all towards myself...
rid the world of hate as I take the hate out on myself
leaving none for anyone else to feel, to suffer through

I've been feeling this way a lot lately. Please do not hurt yourself. We would definitely miss your wonderful personality and a wonderful friend! I know it's really hard to hang in there when you're feeling so terrible, but please try. I, too, only want to be happy and it's strange how sometimes hurting yourself can bring you closer to that. We just need to find other ways to find that happiness.

I think I messed up...I wrote two posts and this one was supposed to be in SI forum and the one there was supposed to be here...I think. I don't remember for sure, but it seems like I might have gotten them backwards

It happens to the best of us! I'm not gonna say anything! I really don't care where you post as long as you get it out and receive the support you deserve!

{{{{{Lexi}}}}}} Sorry that you feel this way too...and thank you, I know it technically doesn't matter-I suppose. But it makes me feel stupid

Beautiful Pain,

What's got you down? Is it Christmas?

Please don't hurt yourself.

A lot of people care about you.

Jane

((((((((((((((((((((BP))))))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you,
Fuzzy

((((((((((((BP)))))))))))))) Sorry you feel this way too.

Jane, its not christmas...really. I like xmas well enough. But its adding a bit to the overwhelming feelings I suppose

{{{{Jane}}}} {{{{{Fuzzy}}}}} {{{{Susan}}}}

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it does help a bit =)

When I first read your post, I found myself unable to read it fully because of my starting to think "I hate me" in response to your comments.
Then I remembered that I had a post from you earlier concerning your family. I think it was a sister and her new baby. It sounded like you have revealed an lot of stuff. It sounded like you really struggled to post that story. I think that you may just need to recover some from what you have posted so far. Keep up the hard work. I hope you feel better soon. But, as I'm sure you know more than I do, it is hard when you are dealing with a hard thing like that. I hope you have someone in real life to talk to about all of this.

keeping you in my thoughts. xoxoxo pat

I feel very unreal...like I am dissolving =( My head feels so much smaller, soon it will be gone...maybe I am shrinking into non existance--nothingness

Hey BP, hang on in there. this too shall pass........ sending you nudgy bunny bumpies, hope you feel better soon. I think you're swell.

You helped me more than anyone or anything B.P. and yet you were in such pain...there are no words for the way I feel about you. Because of you I've decided that I do have the strength to seek professional help. I thankyou with all my heart Beautiful Pain...I hope this finds you feeling better.

Mystry

}}}}} Bunny {{{{{

{{{{{Mystry}}}}} Helping you was the only good thing I did last night...I'm so glad I was able to help at all. I'm so glad you are going to get help, all the best to you. =)

Not feeling any better today...just not as weepy. I feel like I am dissolving, my head feels smaller and feels like it will spin off occasionally...I do think it will be hospital time soon, if something doesn't stop it. =/

{{{{{BP}}}}}}

Please stay safe...one second at a time! Whenever I see your sigs I smile - the bright colors always perk up my day!

Is the "head getting smaller" feeling connected at all to any new meds or dosages?

Most warmly,

Hey Beautiful, just checking in, sorry it's still yukky.

Nope, my meds are unchanged...its just psychosis, I think. =/

Thank you for the concern though, {{{azalysa)))

Thanks for checking up on me }}}}}Bunny{{{{{

=)

Hey BP - am thinking about you. I'm sure this weather can't be helping either. I'm sending you positive vibes ~~~