[Riza92]

So I am 18, just graduated, my parents were just divorced, I've gone through so many health issues in the last year and a half, I have been stuck at home for the last about year, no car, no job, no nothing. I have always had slight depression. Last year in May is when everything started going down hill. First my grandfather, the person I was closest to in my family, passed away from cancer. Not a week later I ended up in the hospital with a kidney stone that was stuck in my ureter. I had surgery and seemed to be ok. At the end of July I ended up with another stone had to have surgery again this time I ended up with an infection that almost killed me because of the surgery. I spent a solid week in the hospital hooked up to all sorts of machines being injected with 4 different pain medicines and liquid valum. For the next two weeks I had to go back and forth to the hospital twice a day for IV therapy. At the end of the IV therapy I started to have this small headache I was functioning well until the headache started to get worse and for two months straight all i did was lie in bed,go to my primary doctor and a neurologist, and have tests done. Finally they found out that for two months straight the muscles in my neck were spasming they said that it was caused by stress and that now that it has happened once it will happen more often. They gave me injections in my neck and started me on anti-seizure medicine. By that time my depression had gotten much much worse. I had gone to my doctor because I cried for almost a week straight. I felt completely useless basically because I was. He put me on an anti-depressant and ordered me to go to regular therapist meetings. When I first met and talked with the therapist he prescribed me an add on for my anti-depressant and asked my doctor to up my doses. I waited for about 2 months for it to start working and I ended up back in the hospital, this time I had ovarian cysts a 2 cm one on the left that had burst and on the right I had a 5 cm one that thankfully was still in tact. I also was informed that had anemia, caused by dangerlously low iron levels. I was put on the Depo shot to try to keep me from having anymore cysts and 3 iron pills a day to help with the anemia. By the New Year I was taking 4 pills in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and 9 pills every night. I was in a drug induced haze constantly. In February of this year I was back in the emergency room because I could barely move thanks to my back. They told me that I had a degenerating spine and sciatica. They prescribed me a pain medicine. I went to my doctor and he told me I would have to start taking more medicine. This bothered me because the anti-depressants still weren't working, they felt like they were making me worse I cried every other day for hours at a time. I still felt useless and I had pretty much quit eating. I got down to 115 lbs at one point I looked like a walking skeleton. I had lost every bit of complection I had I was as white as a sheet of paper, and huge dark circles around my eyes. I either went weeks at a time with barely any sleep or weeks at a time sleeping all day every day. So I asked him to take me off of some of the medicines I was on because I was still having major headaches, still depressed. He said no so I took myself off of them. I do NOT condone this it was probably the worst experience I ever had. Since then I thought I was getting better. About a month and a half ago I started feeling down again and started eating. I went from 129 to 151lbs from then to now. Now I feel like I am pointless. That there is no use in me being around, that I am just a burden. Nobody says things to make me think that I just constantly beat myself down and I realize it but its like my brain is somebody else and all I can do is listen to it. I just really dont know what to do my mind goes nuts 24 hrs a day. I have already started crying all th

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Riza92!

Wow. Many griefs, many traumas, and your body betrays you.

...my mind goes nuts 24 hrs a day.

I'm not surprised.

...its like my brain is somebody else and all I can do is listen to it.

Outstanding description of depression!

Is there someone you could enlist as your advocate, someone who knows "the system" where you live who can speak to all the right people for you?

Wishing you a measure of healing!

[notsohot]

I too have been on a health scare roller coaster this past year and a bit! It is hard to control emotions sometimes and hard to find coping strategies. It will take time, but you will find something that works.

Be open to suggestions.

Have you tried deep breathing?
Breath in deeply thru ur nose and focus on your breath filling your lungs lifting your chest up, hold a second, then slowly release your breathe thru ur nose, slowly, feeling your tummy deflate towards your spine, focus on your breathe. Do this ten times. As often as you need to. I hope you try it It's free, no drugs, no where to go!