[sunangel803]

I think my depression is coming back. I've had it a long time, but it got better in early 2010 when I was pregnant and have generally felt pretty well since then (I would have down days occasionally, but nothing like what I had experienced before). Here in the last month or so, I see the depression coming back...the feelings of sadness, worthlessness, etc, the inability to concentrate, the extreme anxiety, off eating patterns, wanting to sleep all the time, not get out of bed, etc.

I've been out of therapy for over two years - the therapist I really liked and saw for quite a long time had to close his practice and move it two hours south of here. I also had a really good psychiatrist, but he left in the summer of 2010. So I've been without psychiatric care for over a year (my family doc prescribes my meds).

I have a ton of stress in my life (just like everyone else) - my husband has been out of the country for the last three months and we aren't sure about when he will be coming back (that's a whole other LONG story). My job cut my hours a couple months ago because of financial issues there, so it's been hard to pay the bills. I have two people that I consider to be close friends, but one lives far away and the other is getting ready to have a baby, so I don't want to bring her down from her happiness with my issues.

I feel like a failure because I have an advanced degree, but there are no jobs available in this area or in the surrounding areas for what I am qualified to do, so I'm in a job that doesn't pay much (don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have a job at all). I just want to be able to provide for my baby and me without having to worry if I'm going to have enough money to buy food for the month and pay the bills. I even feel like I'm failing as a mom. My son is my world and I love him so much. He's in occupational therapy because of developmental delays (he was a preemie). His OT said today that he's doing well, she can tell that I work with him on the skills he needs, but feels he needs more "stimulation" so she suggested MORE services for him. I know I'm being oversensitive, but hearing that made me feel like I'm not doing enough for him.

I guess I just don't know what to do at this point. I work at the largest mental health facility in town, so I don't want to be seen by anyone I work with (done it before and it just doesn't work out well). All mental health services at other places (in town and in surrounding areas) are booked up weeks in advance right now. I have a hard time talking about how I feel as it is because I often feel like I have to act like everything is okay and be the "strong one."

I don't know if anyone has any advice or feedback or whatever, but thanks for reading and letting me get this stuff out.

[Marla500]

That is so hard when you feel it coming on again. the only thing I can think to say is that it doesn't have to be as bad as it has before. and you know your surroundings better than anyone one else, but possibly others would admire/appreciate you for seeking help too? we always extend understanding to others but won't let ourselves be 'needy.' maybe there is just one person there you could trust and throw a little bit out there? I hope you will find what you need