[gashly]

I was hoping chat would work on my phone so ii could be distracted for a little while till I got home.

I am really at the end of the line. I don't want any false hope or.consolation.

[smcderma]

I am exactly where you are. You are not alone. I feel like i can't go through anymore. Remember you are not alone.

[gashly]

Well I ate a pastry which was loaded with sugar and felt better. Though the gluten will get me later.

My moods keep cycling through the day. It's hellish. I could be suicidal for hours, then suddenly ok. Each time I cycle down I'm more serious about it. I've tried meds and therapy over the years, nothing seems to help make me better. I have this giant hole of pain howling inside me most of the time.

I'm glad no one gave me saccharine false words of hope. That makes me feel worse.

[Invisibility]

I don't seem to get the suicidal phase anymore, but I know what you mean about the whole "spiral" thing.

Outside influence tends to tip me over the edge more now though. Where if I make a mistake, something goes across the room and then I'm fine, once I realise I have to re-buy said object.

No false words of hope and redemption, just a thought. Ever considered martial arts or meditation? I'm hoping to start soon, provided I can keep my head and bank balance in the clear for a bit longer.

Been watching too many Kung Fu films, I know. But it isn't a bad idea.

[gashly]

I think working out would help. The martial arts I find intimidating because it's a "male" environment and I'm anxious and self-conscious around people, so that makes it harder, because I don't like people watching me learn things and make mistakes.

I guess I don't join a gym for the same reason.

I do need to do something though. I suppose I could learn meditation at a yoga school, I am sick of yoga though. I want something new.

So basically I just talked myself into a corner on that one. I'm not sure why I'm so resistant to exercising or anything.

[Invisibility]

Learning martial arts is totally different than a gym though, no-one will care if you make a mistake. That's the whole point, it teaches you to learn from them. I'd say I know just as many females as males that partake in martial arts, I suppose it depends on where you live.

Being self-conscious, you could get one-to-one tuition with some schools. I'm not sure though, still could be worth a look

Don't worry, there are days I could run continuously, and others I barely make it out of bed. It's a little game most forms of depression like to play, I have the same thing.