[Raging Panda]

Hello everyone, this is my first post on a website like this. I usually don't talk about this kind of stuff but it's late at night and I figured why not. Anyways, lets get down to whats been going on (it's a long read).

I'm 19 years old and a freshman in college. I'm majoring in computer engineering and have settled into school nicely after a very shakey summer. I have always been an introvert. I don't really like going out on Friday nights if I don't have to. I'd rather hang out out around my house by myself or with others. I'm a fairly quiet and reserved person that doesn't really let people get to know me. I'm usually able to judge if I'm going to like a person if I listen to them talk for 5 minutes or so (and 95% of the time my first impression is correct). Many would describe me as the most laid back person they have ever met. Throughout high school, I was constantly asked if I was high because I was so calm (I have never once smoked pot in my life). Even when I was a child, my parents said I was never once hyper. I am not a high energy type of person and I don't like high energy people.

Now with some of the background of me personally out of the way, I can move on. I have two groups of friends: ones I've known since elementary school that I mainly just talk about video games and tv shows with, and then I have my friends that I met in high school that I can relate to much better. Even at that, my communication with my friends is marginal at best. In the past, I used to attempt to talk to them about important issues, but they never seemed to care. They would pass it off with a joke or a short response. After they shot me down once, I would stop trying to talk to them. At home my parents constantly try to talk to me about issues but they never help. They only make things worse.

However, in my sophomore year of high school I met a new friend that kind of changed my perception of what a good friend is. We were similar in almost all ways. Unlike with many of my other friends, I could hang out with him for hours and have fun the entire, while with others I would get bored very quickly. He always wanted to talk about important topics and never once tried to get out of talking about a matter that was important to me. He actually convinced me to do a lot of things that I would have never done. He was my best friend and the only person at the time I truly felt like I could talk to.

Then in September of 2009 I met a girl that would turn out to be my first real girlfriend. She was 3 years younger than me and only an 8th grader at the time (I was a junior in HS). While I had one ex before her, it only lasted about a month and there really wasn't much there other than physical attraction. At first, I wasn't overly attracted to the new girl I had met. I casually talked to her for months but never really put too much stock into her. Then in January of 2010 I saw her again in person and she was very attractive this time. After talking to her for 3 months, I knew that I now wanted to pursue for sure, because I knew she was interested in me.

A few months passed and a new things happened. The girl I had met was in a deep depression for the first 6 months. By the end of March of 2010 I had solely brought her out of her depression. She wanted to start dating me, but I had some other odd things happening with some of my good friends from elementary school regarding her being so young (along with other things). My best friend told me to just go for her and screw the rest. So I told her if we were still interested when she got into high school, we'd date.

Well summer of 2010 rolled around and my best friend had to move away. I haven't heard from him since because some weird stuff has happened to him since he left that I'd rather not talk about on this forum. Anyways, that was had for me to cope with. The girl I had met and him were the only two people in the world I felt like I could talk to. The girl helped me through that and really made me feel good. By November of 2010, the girl and I were dating.

Our relationship lasted for 8 months until she out of the blue ended it in August of 2011. No warning signs, no signs of being unhappy, nothing. It devastated me. She was the person that pretty much got me through my senior year of high school. My group of friends broke up, with many of my old friends turning against me because I was dating her, and many of my new friends moved away. My girlfriend was really the only thing I looked forward to during my senior year. I enjoyed every moment of it and miss it emmesily.

So here I am now, 4 months after the break up. Many of my friends are off at college. I am living at home and commuting to college to save money because I can't afford to live on campus. Only two of my friends from HS are staying home and they can barely ever hang out. I haven't made too many new friends in college and none of the girls interest me in the slightest. I feel like I have nothing to ever look forward to. All I do is go to school and come home and sit around by myself. My grades in school are still doing fine, but nothing interests me anymore. Video games are no longer fun because I that's all I ever do anymore. I think I feel like this because I am no longer dating my ex. She did so many things for me that no other woman has even come close to doing in my lifetime so far. She's going through some weird stuff in her life too and apparently isn't over me yet, but I'm not holding my breath after 4 months.

I know my depression is caused because I feel like I no longer can talk to anyone. The only two people in my life that I could truely talk to are now gone. My ex used to to support me in everything I did and would never judge me. I'm used to being a fairly isolated person, but I really do miss the support that she gave me. We still talk a little, but it's nothing like before. I just need to find someone that can fill the gap that she left in my life.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hi, Raging Panda, and welcome to PC.

I'm sorry to hear about you losing your girlfriend and best friend. As an introvert myself I know how hard it is to replace those relationships, especially ones that are really supportive. Through the years I lost a lot of good friends that I used to be able to discuss deep subjects with. I remember and miss them from time to time.

I'm going to say something that may sound contradictory, so here goes. On the one hand, it's okay to feel sad for those losses. Give yourself time to mourn them properly and let them go. On the other hand, keep working on those new college friendships and find other groups that interest you. If nothing interests you right now look at volunteering at a charity or non-profit organization. Do something to keep from getting too isolated and lonely. If you start feeling seriously depressed see if your college has counseling services available. You may need support from a professional until you get through your depression and build your new friendships.

I hope you get through this rough spot in your life. And keep posting.

[depressedalaskan]

Try this forum on this site. Grief and Loss Good luck. Takes time to move on.