[WaitingtoBloom]

My depression has come back after a year and a half of being well. I am not doing very well now especially socially and have started to withdraw. The only thing is that I have started going back to counseling so I can hopefully draw the line here and not go down any further.

I wish that I didn't feel so alone.

[dragonfly2]

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well right now. From this and your other posts, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. Trying to enjoy time with family, getting some sunshine, going to counseling. This can be a difficult time of year for many people. Between the holidays and winter, I've been having some difficulty also. Not sure where you are, but the weather and available light might also be a factor for you. The lack of daylight has a profoundly physical effect on our brains. You can't prevent it with willpower alone any more than willpower can prevent a cold. It takes physical intervention to combat some causes of depression. Whether it's in the form of light therapy, medication, and such. Not to say that I'm recommending you go on medication, but don't feel like you have to tough this out on your own.

But I know the frustration of being well and having the bad feelings return. Don't let the alarming thoughts take over and understand that it's the depression talking. Continue to reach out to people in your life and come and post here. You've found your way out of the darkness before and you can do it again. You're not alone.

[missbelle]

It came back because its an illness........I know its totally frustrating. Hopefully its just passing through. The holidays are always stressful and can get to to all of us.
Hang in there!

[Perna]

Remember, when you fight a bad illness, you will be still be tired at the end and it can take many months to get back one's strength used to fight the illness.

One thing I forget often is that getting rid of a problem or illness symptom, something else has to take its place; just feeling better, not so sad, hopeless, anxious or unmotivated does not mean that the life issues that helped keep the feelings in place, got them stuck there, have been resolved; just feeling you "could" do something is not the same as doing it.

If when you became depressed you were looking for but could not find a job, friends, a relationship with a loved one went bad, etc., one is vulnerable to becoming depressed again if one does not do something with the issues that are important to one; I'm not saying if one is looking for a job and cannot find one that one should necessarily bang one's head against that job-hunting-when-there-don't-seem-to-be-jobs wall, but whatever we have invested in getting a job, what the job "means" to us has to be addressed. Maybe volunteering or going to school for more or different education could give us the lifestyle lift to help keep us out of depression or sharing our house could give us more money to make the mortgage payments and make us feel less anxious about that. Happiness, motivation, and self esteem are all individual attributes and skills we must explore for ourselves and see how best to employ for our own health.

[WaitingtoBloom]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

Between the holidays and winter, I've been having some difficulty also.
The holidays are half way through.

You can't prevent it with willpower alone any more than willpower can prevent a cold.
But I know the frustration of being well and having the bad feelings return. Don't let the alarming thoughts take over and understand that it's the depression talking. Continue to reach out to people in your life and come and post here. You've found your way out of the darkness before and you can do it again. You're not alone.

Thank you for this. I tried for a while to do it on my own but the ups and downs are just too much. I don't want to take medication but rather use talk therapy to change my thoughts. Maybe down the line when my insurance will cover medicines of this type I will take them, but that will cause more harm.

Originally Posted by missbelle

It came back because its an illness........I know its totally frustrating. Hopefully its just passing through. The holidays are always stressful and can get to to all of us.
Hang in there!

I hope it is just passing through, it just saddens me that I cannot relate to others like I used to. I could connect to others before, but now I'm always overthinking what to say.

Originally Posted by Perna

Remember, when you fight a bad illness, you will be still be tired at the end
One thing I forget often is that getting rid of a problem or illness symptom, something else has to take its place; just feeling better, not so sad, hopeless, anxious or unmotivated does not mean that the life issues that helped keep the feelings in place, got them stuck there, have been resolved; just feeling you "could" do something is not the same as doing it.

If when you became depressed you were looking for but could not find a job, friends, a relationship with a loved one went bad, etc., one is vulnerable to becoming depressed again if one does not do something with the issues that are important to one; I'm not saying if one is looking for a job and cannot find one that one should necessarily bang one's head against that job-hunting-when-there-don't-seem-to-be-jobs wall, but whatever we have invested in getting a job, what the job "means" to us has to be addressed. Maybe volunteering or going to school for more or different education could give us the lifestyle lift to help keep us out of depression or sharing our house could give us more money to make the mortgage payments and make us feel less anxious about that. Happiness, motivation, and self esteem are all individual attributes and skills we must explore for ourselves and see how best to employ for our own health.

This is so important to tackle the problem. I did have a few problems that happened that snowballed into something bigger. I am now trying to go back and resolve some of those issues. In the mean time, my depression has been making me withdraw at work and can't do my job as well. I feel like I used to be so bubbly and outgoing, now I barely say a word. I just hope others will understand and when I come out of it some will still be there.