[fruithippie]

Ok, so, I need to find a therapist. I found a place that I want to check out but I'm really scared to do so. I've only ever talked to 3 people about my problems and 2 of them seem to not take it seriously. Only my fiance does. Also, even though they have a sliding scale, I don't know if I can even get treatment. I'm out of work currently and we live on a measly 600 to maybe 700 a month. We have some government assistance in the food area and I hate that. It makes me feel even worse that I can't work and pay for my own food.

I've had problems since I was small but my family was really christian (nothing wrong with that) but they were the type of christian that thinks mental illness is caused by demons and therapists etc.. open the door for more demons. So, I lived with it and never said anything to anyone. I don't even know if I can talk to a therapist because I can barely get it out to my boyfriend. Half of the time I don't even know how to say it. It's there and I know what it is but it doesn't come out in any intelligible way.

How do I go about this? My fiance is coming with me when I decide to go but that doesn't really help. How did you do this? The way I took care of my feelings before was to write poetry and I love writing poetry but I haven't in so long and I don't even have a desire to write anymore and it makes me want to bawl. I've even been published and I can't do it anymore.

I'm very confused and need a lot of help.
Thanks

[Silent_tsol]

It is a scary step to take and I'm happy to hear your fiance is being so supportive. I've seen my therapist maybe 4 times now. I still get nervous when I go to see her but she is really good at helping me get my idea across.

One problem I have is I down play everything like I was telling her I was having a difficult time with my bf when I was saying how my weekend was going. She somehow picked up that there was more to it than that and drew it out of me that we almost broke up (we've been together for 6 years).

I think for a lot of the people they see communication is a problem. Whether it's being embarrassed about saying something or really not knowing how to say it, I believe they are pretty experienced in handling it.
Just be honest and open to giving it a chance. As in, don't say "well I can't explain this so I won't". If he/she needs more information, they will ask questions, just answer them as best you can

[Sheba976]

Thats great that your fiance wants to come with you but you really should go on your own for most of your appointments, especially the first one. You may be less likely to open about things if he's there. It's not couple's counseling, it's for you. It's awesome that he is supportive and it is definately helpful for him to come sometimes but not all the time.

[fruithippie]

Thank you both for the advice. I honestly would be less likely to tell her anything if he's not there. We're very close and we know anything and everything about eachother. Even though I have a hard time telling him things, I still do. He said it's up to me how far in he goes. The place I'm looking at has an evaluation first and I just need support to walk through the door. So, I know that I can do it again. Sorry to ramble.