[LoneWolfie]

I wish I cared more about myself but I don't. The last 2.5 months have been the worst I have been through. I have been battling depression since my teens and I am just tired.

The last few weeks I either forget to take morning meds for my type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. Sometimes I remember and just do not bother at all. I will go several nights and not take diabetes meds before bed. I sure as hell am not eating how I should to control my diabetes, I have been eating once a day usually 2 or 2:30 pm.

I am taking my depression meds at night and the new one in the morning. Of course I have forgotten the morning one a few times.

I am a ****en mess and still do not know if I will ever have any talk therapy. Every door has been slammed in my face and it seems all doc's want to do is put you on meds. Well that is what has gone on for the last 14 years, meds and no therapy.

So again I am in the ****en dark hole trying to climb out but at this point I wonder why I even bother?

Why wasn't I born someone different which is a thought I have had so many times through my life. Why can't I be happy?

My family lives in another Province and I especially know that my mom is so worried. I tried to not let it out of the bag and did with the least upsetting stuff. But over the last few weeks, she knows EVERYTHING! I am probably going to have to declare bankrucy and I will lose my car as I have a bank loan for it.

In the past fought tooth and nail and bit the bullet and went to work because the thought of not having a car is to much for me to take. I had bills to pay and I worked when I should have been taking care of me. WELL this time I am pushed to the absolute limit I do not care anymore.

I called a crisis line the other night and a team came to my house. They have arranged for an emergency visit with the part time Pdoc they have at 1pm today. The crisis worker said I will probably be off work for awhile, I do have short time disability through work. But again I will only see this Pdoc once or twice about meds and then my GP takes over.

Well my referral to a Pdoc from the GP lead down a hallway with no door. He will also have to fill out the paperwork for the insurance company.

So when I first started reading the forums I saw the Pocket riders term and was totally clueless. Then figured it out, anyone want to come along?

[Fuzzybear]

((((( LoneWolfie )))))

[Rohag]

Hello, LoneWolfie!

Originally Posted by LoneWolfie

I wish I cared more about myself but I don't.

I've read your post, but I did get stuck on that first statement. It rings true for me as well.

As your are able, please let us know how this develops.

[roads]

I'm in, make room in your pocket, LoneWolfie!