[DespondentDaisy]

Ok, for the most part, I'm ok, but my job really sucks. It's tiring, degrading, beneath my skill and intelligent level- I wish I could find something better and find another neighborhood to move to but things are so expensive apparently I shouldn’t even bother looking. (Though I'm still going to start looking again anyway) My mom tells me not to go about it 'willy-nilly' like I'm going to take anything that goes my way. What I really need to do is wait until spring to take a writing course at the local U to get a writing AA or something- that's always been my passion- I'm in the wrong field. Besides all I said about it already, it's a job for someone more outgoing and that's totally not me. That's probably why it wears me out. I try to be the perfect employee and really I can't keep it up, emotionally, and now I am starting to weird people out - That and the *****es and assholes that look down their noses at me like they're better than me really get to me (I’ve always dealt with self esteem issues- another thing that I loved about weed, it helped boost my confidence) I could have their jobs, most of them, if I only had the chance. I have a higher than average I.Q., but that doesn't say ish about my people skills. Dammit!
> Ever since I quit smoking weed 6 months ago, sure my thoughts have been clearer and I've had more focus, but I've also felt less happy emotionally- I've been brought back to reality of how much my life sucks and that I'm solely responsible for where I've ended up- despite toxic friends misguiding me- I could have stayed in touch with my other more truer friends, I could've stayed on track, not let my life become so miserable. Sometimes I think I should be institutionalized or kill myself, but that would be devastating for my family, especially my mom. I try and tough it out, for granted I do have good times- everyday. But at the end of the day, I feel ******, and there are enough times during the day I feel ****** too and I feel like I'll never really get anywhere. I don't know, I think perhaps I should talk to my doc about increasing my dose of prozac from 10 milligrams to 20? I don't know.

[dragonfly2]

It really does suck to feel stuck in a job you hate. You spend so much of your day there, it's sometimes hard to recover from it. But, until you find some other solution, it is the reality. It sounds like you need to put some emotional distance between you and work. Just keep in mind that it's not where you want to be or what you want to do, and that you can work toward changing your reality. And after you do get that writing course under your belt, or find something else, all those *****es and assholes will still be in the same job, doing the same thing, while you've moved on to bigger and better things.

So, what can you do to move closer to your goals? Do you need to register for that course? Do you need to put some money into savings to get a new place? What can you do in the meantime to stimulate your brain and feel alive again? You need to feed your soul. And, increasing your Prozac may be helpful - it's worth talking to your pdoc about. But even then I think you still need to adopt a "work to live" attitude and just understand that for now it's just a job to earn money so you can do what you want to do.

[DespondentDaisy]

True, I need to put emotional distance between myself and work. But it can be so hard. So many people are friendly and engaging, and then others are cold and distant and I get stuck on their emotions, sometimes I get twisted inside and just wish I could stay at home and not have to leave my apartment. I wish I could afford to work from home, but then I know I need some sort of human contact. I will start looking for jobs in the meantime while waiting for enrollment for spring course to open up.. Thanks.

[Yoda]

yeah, maybe you should talk to your doctor about your moods. When is your next appt?

I wish you well.

[DespondentDaisy]

I have an appt coming up early December.

[Fuzzybear]