[Adster]

I just want to retreat some place where I can be myself and stare at the sky until I die. I really dont care about anything, or anyone anymore. I have no plan for my future and I don't care anymore. I'm sick of life! Being a vegetable would be great. I'm tired of waking up to know I have to go through the same thing I did yesterday. When my family wants to go somewhere I act interested but really I don't want to go at all. NOTHING interests me anymore at all. The two things that I do now is play video games and do my school (I home school by myself) My only aspirations is to get good grades in school. But then I have no idea what I'm going to do for college, and I have to get good grades. In grade school I was basically a strait A student. My best and only friend doesn't want to hang around me anymore because the only 2 things I do is school (online too!) and play video games. To be brutally honest I'm not sure if I care about him anymore either. I've lost interest in everything and really have no plan to gain it back. I want to scream and cry, but I cant. Most of the time I'm pretty good at acting happy but people are starting to guess and I am worried they will find out.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Adster! Thank you for posting.

Originally Posted by Adster

I've lost interest in everything and really have no plan to gain it back.

Regardless of where you are in life, this kind of loss of interest possibly indicates you have the kind of problem that requires external help.

Originally Posted by Adster

...people are starting to guess and I am worried they will find out.

Why are you worried they will find out? Do you fear they will overreact, use that knowledge against you somehow, or simply not care?

[Adster]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, Adster! Thank you for posting.

Regardless of where you are in life, this kind of loss of interest possibly indicates you have the kind of problem that requires external help.

Why are you worried they will find out? Do you fear they will overreact, use that knowledge against you somehow, or simply not care?

A problem that requires external help?
They would most likely overreact and send me to a psychiatrist.

[Severijn]

Hi adster. I know you rather not too, but going to a psychiatrist isn't too bad. If you need the help, you need the help. I've been to countless psychiatrists.

You do sound like you have depression, so you should take it very seriously, because it's your life. For depression you often need professional help, from a therapist or psychiatrist. (But if you really don't like professional help, you could try doing self-help programs. Online bookstores (or local bookstores) are good places to buy self-help books. They helped me a lot. With self-help I overcome ocd, ptsd, social anxiety, and made my depression manageable (but didn't cure it )

Anyway take care and I hope you do the right thing. Don't keep walking around with depression all your life. You need some form of treatment, be it medications, therapy, a self-help course, or even exercise.

[Adster]

Originally Posted by Severijn

Hi adster. I know you rather not too, but going to a psychiatrist isn't too bad. If you need the help, you need the help. I've been to countless psychiatrists.

You do sound like you have depression, so you should take it very seriously, because it's your life. For depression you often need professional help, from a therapist or psychiatrist. (But if you really don't like professional help, you could try doing self-help programs. Online bookstores (or local bookstores) are good places to buy self-help books. They helped me a lot. With self-help I overcome ocd, ptsd, social anxiety, and made my depression manageable (but didn't cure it )

Anyway take care and I hope you do the right thing. Don't keep walking around with depression all your life. You need some form of treatment, be it medications, therapy, a self-help course, or even exercise.

I really try to live thinking things will just get better I just have to wait. And sometimes I wish I could have professional help. But our family really can't afford it right now. I actually spend alot of time thinking on if professional help would do good. I'm just so tired of everything. And now its starting to come across physically too. I have no energy I'm aching, I don't feel like moving ever anymore.