[Shadow-world]

I wonder whether anyone else gets such responses from others as the one in my title when one mentions one's difficulties or downs.

I appreciate that we should try and focus on the positives in our lives and depression lets us focus too much on all the negative things around us, but I must say I still don't find a comment such as the above very helpful.
Basically, it suggests that one is just ungrateful, possibly attention-seeking and makes a fuss.
I'm sure people don't mean it always that way, but if they could phrase it differently so we are gently nudged towards some positives in our lives without having to feel guilty about how we feel, that would be better.

Has anybody had similar experiences?

[needfixing]

what about when someone says oh just get over it!
really?!?!
i don't anymore but when i would have flashbacks, triggers, and nightmares telling me to just get over it, didn't help me AT ALL!
i began to be around people that have gone thru what i have, people that are positive, encouraging, nonjudgemental, and the biggest one is i realized i can't force someone to understand what i've been thru in my childhood if the person had a "normal" childhood.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Shadow-world

I wonder whether anyone else gets such responses from others as the one in my title when one mentions one's difficulties or downs. I appreciate that we should try and focus on the positives in our lives and depression lets us focus too much on all the negative things around us, but I must say I still don't find a comment such as the above very helpful. Basically, it suggests that one is just ungrateful, possibly attention-seeking and makes a fuss. I'm sure people don't mean it always that way, but if they could phrase it differently so we are gently nudged towards some positives in our lives without having to feel guilty about how we feel, that would be better. Has anybody had similar experiences?

Hey, Shadow!

Of course. To answer your question. But the way I see it, you just can't let Them get to you. The world in which They operate, even though They may well be mentally ill themselves, is simply not consciously aware of what you, I and other PC members go through. For those of Them who aren't mentally ill, it's almost impossible (I think) for Them to put themselves in any of our positions. It's like asking Them all of a sudden to talk Chinese. (Okay, no more capital t's.)

For those of them (and they are many) who are really mentally ill themselves but hiding from it, that kind of reaction is a necessity. To keep things under control, they need to repress or deny not only their own problems but everyone else's too.

So if and when I hear "pull up your socks!" or something similar, I just tune that person out. Of course, for me at least, their display of ignorance of other, more painful mental universes (such as yours and mine) casts doubt on their other opinions and conclusions about life in general and current events.

But then, personally, I find it best not to talk about such subjects with almost all people not here on PC. I don't go to them for reassurance or for understanding. For just this reason. They probably won't get it. And that keeps the kind of retort about which you complain to a minimum.

At the same time, I do think it's quite wrong for people dealing with problems always to try to put a happy face on, at least when they're by themselves. Real life is tough. Frequently very tough. To always put on a happy face means, in a sense, to condemn the unhappy part of one's self to a lower, degraded, demeaned, secondary importance. And for me that has all kinds of negative consequences.

For myself, I never, ever want to lose sight of the justified reality of my "issues" and the serousness of what I (and you too) have gone through. It's a very, very important part of our lives, don't you think? So while I'm not going to broadcast about it, I'll never forget it for an hour or a day. I have to be true to my whole person, not just some false self that blocks out the greyer part of reality. Take care!