[silver_queen]

I was diagnosed with depression in September this year, which is probably my second bout of depression (I was first diagnosed in 2003 and for most of the time since I believe I've been depressed, except for nearly a year between 2009 and 2010). I think this current depression started earlier this year and maybe even late last year.

I've been at university, and I've had a part-time job at a supermarket since 2004. However, this year I failed my university course due to not showing up and not bothering to do the resits and I was kicked out. I was also sacked from my supermarket job in September as I did not turn up to work during the summer holiday, even though I knew I would get into this sort of trouble but I still couldn't be bothered to go.

I have lived at home with my dad all my life (I'm 27) and just over a couple of weeks ago I told him what had happened. He was furious and said some things that made me fear for my and my dog's safety so I left home and I've been living at a friend's since. He just does not understand depression and thinks it can be overcome by being honest and forthright. he's always said lots of negative things towards me, and what he was saying after I told him made me think I wasn't going to take it anymore.

Where I'm living now is a relaxed, supportive atmosphere and my friend's parents seem to like having me here (for now). I haven't told her parents why I moved out.

At the beginning of October I began antidepressants (20 mg Citalopram) and every month since my dr has had me take a depression questionnaire. The last time I took it, I had been feeling worse and said so but the dr said my questionnaire result showed 'substantial improvment'. I went back last week, a month after that questionnaire, and I said again that I was feeling worse and that I didn't think the dosage was helping, and the stupid dr said 'Your last test showed substantial improvement' and he wants to give it time because he thinks it's made worse by the situation. I feel LESS stressed here than at home. I am feelin desperate I feel so bad. I am not suicidal but I have started self-harming again after not doing it for years but I feel it's the only way to help me cope. I asked my dr if I could begin CBT but he said there are lots of websites online I could look at about it.

I know I could go to another dr but then I don't want him to be able to read in my med notes that I've visited a second dr.

Is my dr behaving right? i don't feel he's really listening to me. When I visited him last week he didn't give me the test to do. I told him about my situation with university and my job (I'd told him before about it, but he'd forgotten) and I told him about my dad's reaction (he agreed it was better for me to have left, given the things my dad had been saying to me).

I applied for benefits yesterday by phone. In England there are two types of benefit: Job Seeker's Allowance (JSA), which is given to those who are fit enough to look for a job, and Employment Support Allowance (ESA). I applied for ESA. This involves at some point a 'Work capability test' which is supposed to judge if you're fit to work. But it doesn't seem designed for people with depression. The questions are things like, 'can you move unaided, is there a risk of you losing control of your bowels, do you have to make a list of everything to get through the day'.

The things I'd be able to score points on probably is my hearing probs (I have hearing aids but havien't used them ages as one is broken) so they'd say 'Use the hearing aids' and 'lost or altered consciousness' with my probs with dissociation occasionally. Nothing else. Nothing to tell them that I am constantly bored because I can't concentrate to read a book or watch a film (and I used to read all the time), or that i feel restless but don't have the energy to do anything, or that I've started SI-ing again, or that I just don;'t feel like I'd possibly have the energy to get to work if I had to go on JSA, which happens when the ESA test is failed. I don't know what to do the dr seems determined not to listen to what I say and idk who else to talk to. I looked up on the BACP and UKCP websites for therapists and counsellors locally and the ones who are closest (still not that close) don't sound suitable, so idk what to do

[depressedalaskan]

I would think changing your doctor would be the best thing to do.

[sookie3]

You really have to feel like you have a good "fit" with your doctor. Otherwise, you may find yourself saying what's expected, instead of what's real.

[Fuzzybear]

[Severijn]

Hi silver queen.

I think it was good of you to move out of the house. If a relationship is not going well, it usually the best to move out of the house with that person.

I don't want to discourage you from taking medications, so that's not my point here. But I have noticed from my own life and reading forums that only a select few really find big benefits from anti-depressants. Perhaps it's an idea to do other things besides medications, such as therapy (as you're considering), self-help, and/or exercise.

The thing is with medications, they will make you feel better (hopefully) on the inside. When that happens, you still have your old life but with better (less-depressed) feelings. That's great of course, if it happens. But the good thing about self-help is that you change things on the outside (meet new people, set attainable goals, try new activities). So by doing self-help or CBT therapy, you change on the inside and outside. You start to feel better, also because your outside life is changing. That's why I like self-help so much: you create your own better new life.

I've tried medications for years, talked to a couple of psychiatrists, but nothing really worked. I don't know if this is exactly your situation, but just be careful to put all your hope on just one solution: medications.

When I did self-help, some therapy, and exercise together I got much better results. I felt better on the inside, and my outside life was changing too and so I felt proud of what I achieved.

Anyway, I think it's a good idea to find a good CBT therapist. And if you have the energy, add some self-help books and exercise, and I'm quite sure you'll start to feel better. (amazon.com is a good place to search for self-help books).

Well take care and I hope you start to feel better in the future.

[pegasus]

Hello silver queen, good to see you!

Sounds like you have had a lot of upheaval recently and yet you have managed to find yourself in a better environment to live in.

There is psychological help in the UK, I would suggest going to MIND, they have drop in centres and a website, they can give you more information on what help is available in your area. Your GP doesn't sound very helpful, is there another GP you could see in the same practice? The GP can refer you to psychotherapy through the NHS and there is a big roll out of psychological practitioners delivering CBT called the 'Improving access to Psychological therapies programme.' Maybe you could teach your GP a few things here! It is something that you should be referred to or at least be pointed in the right direction so that you can get the help you need.

As far as the benefits tests and what to write on the forms, you really need to write down the worst case scenarios as far as the depression goes. So you need to state how bad the depression can be, the fact that it is recurring, the fact that you may need extra support etc. Also include physical illnesses too.

Let me know how you get on.