Drifting from society.

I feel as though I'm just drifting away from people. To the point one of my 'friends' told me she was moving away and then earlier today she said she wasn't really moving away. I had just dealt with the loss of her, and now I don't know if I'll be able to trust her again.

My best 'friend' moved away in October 2010, she still went to the same school as me so I was able to speak to her regularly until May 2011 when my year group broke up for study leave. I haven't talked to her since September and she promised that she'd talk to me at least twice a week. Now I'm the last to find out any news about her and she doesn't even want me around.

I can't seem to trust myself to trust anyone because they just keep leaving. It makes me feel so alone, and so down all the time. To feel as though you can't talk to anyone about anything because they'll just betray you at some point or another. I have a feeling if I told anyone professional about this then they'd just go 'Oh! That's your self esteem taking. You're not actually alone.'

Thing is I am.

There are too kinds of loneliness.
There's the loneliness of not being loved, but there's also the loneliness of not feeling loved.

One of the horrors of depression is being loved and not being able to feel it.

Are you being treated for depression? That will help.

They believe that I have 'low self esteem with obsessive ruminations'. Although I have a feeling they're wrong...

It is no fun being let down by people that you thought were your friends. I understand your pain. True friendship, just like true love, is really hard to find. But please don't give up hope. Just try to be the best and nicest person you can be. There are many other people who are lonely too and they will appreciate a kind gesture and maybe that will lead to a new friend? Wishing you all the best.