[curlydee]

i just saw my psychiatrist and we were talking about depression from unresolved issues and biological deepression. i showed him some of what i've written here and he said this is clearly biological. is that a good or a bad thing? i know that the meds should be doing something - heck - i'm on 5 different meds - and high doses of them. i feel like i'm lost. as the session went on, i sort of had a break down, my body curling up and squeezing tight, my hands in fists, held tightly to my chest, just trying to squeeze my whole body tight, crying. he was patient and supportive, i could tell he cared. i want to curl up like that again my body squeezed tight, and just cry, but i'm afraid i'll scare my husband. have you heard about those weighted blankets autistic kids use - i think it would be soothing. there's this pain inside me that keeps building up, a pressure inside me.
i'm sorry - my thoughts keep jumping around...
does anyone get a dry mouth from their meds? when i breathe thru my mouth, it gets dry and i get real bad breath.
i'm not alone - but feel so lonely.
i just don't want to do this any more. it would be better if i was never born - now when i die, there are ppl that it will hurt - not my intention. i don't think i could kill myself - but i do wish it would happen...

[mazing]

I'm sorry you are feeling that way I can empathise - I have felt similar. I am sure your doctors have already told you about it, but it can take a long time to get the right combination of meds and therapy for each individual. I can't say definitely not knowing the meds but I do know that a dry mouth (and subsequently bad breath) can be a side effect of some of those meds as well. Best thing for me was to make sure I always stayed hydrated and drank a lot of water constantly as well as using a lot of mouthwash. It stopped my mouth feeling so dry.

About the autistic blankets - if you think they will help then maybe see what your psychiatrist thinks and if he can arrange it. Or you can always use something similar of your own to see if it makes any difference. Do you have a thick doona or blanket? Do they help at all? I always found getting my thick winter doona and curling up in it managed to soothe me a lot of the time.

I know that things don't seem hopeful at the moment but don't give up. It can get better in time - it just takes time to get the right combination of medications and therapy support.

[di meliora]

Hello, curlydee. My suggestion is to print a copy of your post for your psychiatrist. The treatment you are receiving does not seem to be helping. I suspect changes will be necessary for you to make progress.

Good luck.