[whenwillitend]

hurting again. but no reason this time. just deeply depressed. and so tired of it. i want out of this cycle. how can i keep fighting when i always end up like this again?? what's the point??? i don't want to struggle anymore. my entire life has been one big struggle. i've had enough.

[whenwillitend]

im all alone

[Mylifeisdepressing]

No, you're not alone. Im sorry you feel like this, I completely understand.... Sometimes it's just so painful or everything is just so completely empty that it all seems impossible, that there's no future, that it's not worth it to keep going. I know how bad that is and I hope you feel better.

Hello whenwillitend,

I'm afraid I have no words of advice to give you, because I have been in your situation before and know how horrible and hopeless it feels. I also know that cliche sayings like "it's always darkest before the dawn" are probably meaningless to you at this point.

But I will say that those deep depressions do not last forever. Especially if there is work being done to combat it - meds, therapy, healthy eating, exercise, and/or other methods. Just like happiness does not last forever, neither does depression. Our emotions are constantly changing - so please keep in mind that you will not always feel this way. Hang in there, it DOES get better.

[whenwillitend]

thank you both.

sure, it will get better. and when things are *just* gettting back to normal, it hits again. never fails. i'm tired of the constant rollercoaster. i want off.

[Rohag]

...when things are *just* getting back to normal, it hits again.

Hmmm... Depression is a strange illness. Could it be that normality -- or something associated with normality -- acts as a kind of trigger for you?

I don't blame you for wanting off the roller coaster.

[BuggsBunny]

Are you seeing someone who can give you a hand with this? A counselor or psychiatrist, or even your GP? Some of this depression can be controlled by medication and therapy.

I know the feeling you have of things getting better and then *wham* it all goes down hill again. I used to live in dread, waiting for the other shoe to fall, or the *wham* to hit and the spiral down into depression again.

All I can suggest is that, until you can get help, focus on one day at a time. Ask yourself if you can get through today, just today. At one point during my teens I focused on getting through to lunch, then getting through to dinner, then bedtime (which was my favorite time of day). I couldn't even focusing on making it through the who day. So that is an option, too.

Meanwhile, keep posting and we'll help you get through the days.

[whenwillitend]

i have a psychiatrist, and a therapist, and i've been on meds for 13 years now. i've tried and tried and tried. i've been to the hospital roughly 20 times. i've survived 7 suicide attempts.

and it never gets better.

[Bmee2]

Perhaps...you might want to try shifting your focus. Instead of when will it end...how about what can make this pain easier. The world is always changing even when it feels as if it has stopped and you are permanently stuff in an endless pit of depression. An old therapist helped by teaching me to look at what i could do as oppose to what i could not do or what was getting in the way. Sometimes all you can do is get out of bed long enough to go to the bathroom. That is fantastic. Celebrate with the thought before going back to sleep..."I did something today!". Other days you may feel as though you are trying to make your way through extra thick peanut butter. Everything and nothing is exhausting. Get some movies...whatever you like to watch. Or get some music you like to listen to, and put head phones on and turn the volume up loudly. Visit psych central and scream-write and post here. This kind of shift has helped a lot. Depression can be a chronic illness like arthritis and diabetes.
The diseases do not go away, but when they are more debilitating but you do things that help you cope. If you are in a dungeon cell with no windows and no food and you are afraid of the dark and there is no way out...what can you do? You cry at first. YOU scream. Then you try to find a door. There is none. Lost and tired you sit down on the ground and try to find a way to end it all....while laying on the ground you start picking at the grout holding the large stones together. You start to focus on really removing the grout around one stone. You do not know how long it took but you removed all the grout from one stone and you begin kicking and pushing with your feet and the brick begins to move....What happens next is in the future.

i am sorry Whenwillitend that this was so long. i meant well. i hope it made sense and you can find the help i was trying to give you.

[whenwillitend]

i don't know how to cope with this.

[cornercurio]

Please find the strength inside you. Read books on positive thinking. Go out for a walk. Call on a friend or family member. There's always support! And I know that meds have helped me in the past. Take care!

[Bmee2]

That is what your doctors and therapists can help you with. People here may be able to help you too. When in pain sleep helps. When in pain it helps to concentrate on something rhythmic like a loud ticking clock. Other people may have other things that help them.