Can i overcome this?

It is going to sound so complicated probably pathetic to most of you who will read this. I am only 17 years old but please don't think i am some loved up teenage girl who just wants to be loved. If you can understand what i mean by that. I have a boyfriend, i have been with him for about 8 months now. We are really happy, get on really well as a couple and as friends. Its just recently my head has been driving me crazy. In the summer my boyfriend went away with his friends to a plce called Newquay for a week for a holiday. You can imagine down there they lived a life of alcohol and clubbing. One night my boyfriend got extremely drunk and ended up kissing this girl. I found out the night he came home. I was devastaed. I had thought maybe something could happen from me being away for two weeks before hand on holiday and then he went away. plus being a 17 year old boy and very drunk i could imagine something may happen. Everyone told me that he wasn't like that and that they could never imagine him doing something like that which made it worse when i found out. We overcame it though and we stayed together. We find it easy to talk about what happened and i did find out the first night he was home. We got back to normal and everything was fine. However recently i haven't been very happen within myself. I find it easy to cry most of the time, i hate being by myself, i am always thinking about him, i am stressed with a variety of mood swings. I feel depressed. I knew it would be hard to trust him again and i thought it would come with time. However recently i have felt so paranoid and stressed out over him. I can't relax. I feel my head is so messed up and i watch him when we are out convince myself he isn't being himself around me, most of the time when we go out i tel myself its just because his friends re there and i know they put alot of presure on him, you see most of them are single and i feel that they may possibly tease him. I just can't talk to him about it. I don't know if i am so paranoid because i haven't learnt to trust him yet or what. I am so confused. My friends think i am paranoid but i really feel that something has changed in him. I love him alot and i know he loves me but maybe he just needs some space. I am so confused i really think i might have some sort of emotional dperession or paranoia. Can anyone help me? I am getting worse and worse!

sweetie, love is a tricky emotion. It doesn't get easier as you get older. What you feel in that respect is normal...but...if all these emotions are tying you up in knots...maybe YOU need some space. It has been my experience that the only real trouble I get into is when I ignore my instincts. Yours are screaming for your attention. Spend some time really lisening to your heart. Make a decision, and stick to it. Good luck.

Cynthia Ryan

thankyou for replying. Sometimes my instinct that he wants space, or that he is bored. But its like i know he loves me but there is something niggling away at him. Maybe i am paranoid, my friends who have been farely supportive think that he is the perfect boyfriend and that its just in my head and where i have become so paranoid it is all me thinking these things. But what do i do to help myself to get this sorted out. I am not the ahppy person i used to be. And i really want to bring it up but then everything is fine but this paranoia won't budge. I love him so much so you know and i know this isn't a life lasting relationship and he is only 17 i just can't be sure. And i don't know why i am so paranoid. But is is eating away at me! thanks alot Emmax

Hiya Emma, It's nice to meet you here. Hope you get this reply.

You remind me of myself whenever I am in a relationship. I've had a few long-term relationships and I can honestly say I've felt paranoid and confused in every one of them so I know exactly where you are coming from. I tend to make the other person in my life the most important thing. I neglect my friends and whatever I am trying to achieve at the time. And I think most importantly I spend so much time worrying
and fretting about what my partner gets up to when I'm not around that
I can't appreciate him in the slightest. Plus I have nothing to say to him when I see him apart from 'what have you been up to?'

I think what I know now though is that this all comes from feeling unhappy with myself. Does this sound familiar? I don't love myself and so I can't believe that anyone else will love me either.
I think the best advice that I can give to you is to try and take your attentions away from your fella a little bit and concentrate on doing nice things for yourself and most importantly boosting your own confidence a little bit, pursuing other interests or friends.

I'm not in a relationship at the moment although I crave that kind of closeness, love and attention more than anything. I think that I am doing the right thing, I'm working hard on my own development so that I have something to offer to someone else when they come along.
I think the best advice I've heard about relatonships is 'You don't need to go looking or work hard to find 'the one' the right one will find you.'

Hope this helps
yours, marie

You sound so much like me it is amazing. I am exactly like you. i don't want to lose him though. i do love him i am very fond of him. And it scares me that he may not feel the same. I just can't work it out. I feel so paranoid. I keep thinking so many horrid thoughts that hes funny with me because
1. hes either met someone else and is finding it really hard to tell me
2. would like some space and is freaking about commitment
3. his friends have been pressurising him
4. he doesn't find me attractive any more
i just don't know christelle. I can't work it out. One minute we're fine the next i feel awkward. But i am not sure if it is just on my side. I don't know if it just because i don't trust him after what him cheating on me. I keep remembering when we first met and how special he made me feel and i don't feel like that any more, i was so happy, you know what i am like i was so voer the moon when i met someone who thought i was beautiful and told me all the time. I know that period don't last forever but i am just not convinced he wants to be with me. I am not sure if he is afraid to tell me incase it would make things awkward between our social group, if he is afraid of hurting me or if he thinks he will lose me as a friend to. Because i would be so hurt if we broke up. I would be extremely gutted. It doesn't matter how many times people tell me to talk to him i can't, just incase it is all in my head. It isn't my fault i don't trust him, he broke my heart and trust and i thought i could get it back i thought i had learned to trust him again but just recently i have become so paranoid it is unbelievable, just out the blue, i see him looking at other girls ok i can live with that, but then things happen and i completely flip inside i start thinking all these thoughts. i must sound like a nutcase!

Emma you can over come anything in this world expecially the situation your in right now... your only 17 and you have your whole life ahead of you. if he has cheated on you once, chances are he'll do it again. it is very hard to regain the trust he has broken. your paronioia will only get worse within time. unless you forget about the past and move on with your future. trust me there will be many more loves in your life. no, one likes to be humilliated. if your friends with the same friends chances are they probably won't want to get involved and probably feel it's not there place to say anything ..... at this point my opinion is go with your gutt instinct. lot's of luck....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Duchess~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
~MATTHEW27:46.
MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1