[NorthStar]

So hey there. I'm a girl who is 13 and in 8th grade. I know, only 13 years of life and your depressed? But yeah. It all started in kindergarten. I have been bullied since kindergarten and hasn't stopped even today. That's eight years of being bullied. Kids in my class took things away from me in the younger grades, like folders and small things. Then, it got bigger. I remember one time I was in the bathroom when I was younger and this girl was inviting everyone to her slumber party. She said she was only inviting people who were wearing the right uniform (I go to a schoolthay requires uniforms and it changes die to the seasons). Then it got worse. Name calling was next. But, I actually had a best friend. She moved though in third grade. We talked for a while until sixth grade where we just stopped talking. I don't know what happened. Sixth grade was horrible. This one boy never left me alone. He said he thought I was pretty and he loved me. Other boys teased me, calling me his wife and stuff. That boy later sexually harassed me and was thrown out of the school.

Seventh grade seemed to be the same. People called me names. The boys called me ugly, retarded, stupid, and annoying. Girls called me weird and poked fun at everything I did. I actually liked a boy in my class. I told him but he pretended to gag and throw up in his shirt. That day I vowed I would never tell a boy if he liked me unless he told me first. Yeah I know, it was stupid. Then, I saw an old friend on Christmas Eve. We had actually known each other for ten years. After that day, we talked everyday. We texted and he called me some days. We told each other everything. I only liked him once, but soon got over it, seeing him as an older brother instead. But, a friend ruined it all. She took my phone, texting him saying "Hey baby." His girlfriend at the time saw and got mad. To this day I don't know what happened. We didn't talk for the while summer and the starting of this school year. We started talking in November and saw each other again. We barley text and don't talk like we used it. It just all changed after that. We were never same. This month, March, we are still not the same. I miss him a lot, but I'm too embarrassed to tell him. He is like my best friend.

The bullying started all over again this year. The people who I thought were my friends actually we talking about me behind my back, calling me ugly, weird, and miserable. The cutting started in October. I haven't cut in three weeks. I found out ad well that boys on the bus were making fun of me, calling me ugly. I cried that day, looking at myself in the mirror, running my hands over my face, hoping I would become pretty. I don't want to tell my parents about my cutting. They look at depressed people as outcats. They would disown me if they found out I was depressed and used to cut. I wish everyday that I just wake up and be pretty and that everything would stop. I ran away once and was brought home by the police. My parents yelled at me. Today, some kid in class told me to go hang myself and that everyone hates me.

[FireBird]

I am sorry that happened to you. I know all about bullying. It happened to me many times. 7th grade is the worst. Even after I got out of school I was bullied online. You should talk to someone about it.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome!

Yes, I'm no stranger to being bullied.

NorthStar, have you considered taking your whole story -- including fear of your parents' reaction -- to the counselors at your school? The adults at your school are responsible for your safety. If other students are creating unsafe conditions for you, the school needs to take steps to address that.

Please keep posting.

[Marla500]

I agree you need to talk to someone....the school is absolutely responsible for your safety, there has to be someone who will listen. also do you have a trusted adult that you can talk to? do you have a church nearby with a genuinely welcoming atmosphere? some have youth groups that are very friendly. don't give up and keep posting, there is so much help here

[CgRgSm]

Hi NorthStar, I sort of know how you feel...I have always felt inferior to everyone when I was in school. I am the youngest of my siblings (1 sister, 1 brother) and I always followed their footsteps in school. I am still known today as just my brother's brother cause I actually work in the same department as him, and my brother was known for his good work there. You need to show them that you are above them, by not becoming what they want you to. I know the kids in these public schools can be what seems to be truly evil. Even some of the teachers are absolutely horrific. Don't take to heart what they have to say. Listen to their words, and then say to yourself you are not going to let it affect you and you are going to be better than them. You don't need to take what they say seriously. They want to bring you down and see you fall because they are negative, want to destroy, and steal. You don't want to cut yourself, think about it, nothing good can possibly come out of that. I knew kids that cut themselves. Don't try to immediately get back at them either though, sometimes its better just to show them you are listening, but then just walk away. These kids we probably raised by parents that didn't give a sh** what their kids were doing/seeing/hearing. This is unfortunately the effect of what their parents have done. You need to try to reverse things, I'm really not the best person to know exactly what to tell you to do other than you need to somehow show these kids you aren't going to go down with them and you can show them you are an intelligent person.

NorthStar, I don't know you, but there are some things I know about you:

You are an amazing young woman. You are so verbal and express yourself better than many people who are twice your age. This is something you should feel proud about, and it's something that will help you throughout your life.

There is absolutely no reason why you should think that you are inferior to anybody at your school. Bullying is the fault of those who bully, not of the victim. Remember that! All those hateful things the kids say to you, they just amount to "I want to make you feel bad so I can feel better". To say that you shouldn't let them get to you is soooo easy, and actually doing it is much harder. But do remember that all those stupid things they say are made-up, they are not real, they are not actually about you!

It's really great that you have not cut yourself for three weeks. And that you have made your way here and written that very moving post means that you want to get help, and you are able to look for help. That's also great. I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to tell your parents about your depression. (Maybe they would react in a different way from what you think - maybe they wouldn't, it's impossible for us to know, but regardless, I can certainly understand you.) But maybe there's a teacher at school whom you trust, or some kind of school counsellor or a school nurse, that you could turn to? Tell somebody what you have told us here. Ask for advice. And do keep us posted.

[Shadow-world]

NorthStar, I'm sorry you feel so bad and experience a lot of bullying at the moment.
I can certainly remember times at grammar school when I was bullied and really hated the thought of returning there the next day. It's not a good place to be in.

Yes, I think it might be useful if you can find a trustworthy person at school with whom you can talk these things through and who might be able to suggest some ways forward.
It can of course be someone outside school, too, but considering that a lot of the current troubles you experience are school-related, it might be helpful to find someone there who you can confide in, won't betray your trust and is sensible and experienced enough to work on a solution to this issue together with you.

It makes me angry to learn that people call you stupid and other names. The act of doing so is what I would call stupid. I know it's hard, but please try not to internalise these words too much. I also agree with what has been said above in a post - you express yourself clearly, which is already proof that the 'stupid' label is completely inaccurate.

I wish you all the best and keep posting, NorthStar!