[dismantle.repair]

Has anyone ever felt this way?
That there's a part of you that 'needs' the depression.... That you just can't seem to let go of it?
Why? Why is that?

[ba.ll.oo.n]

I'm right there with you. I haven't told that to anyone but I feel the same. I think it's got something to do with needing to feel bad because I deserve it. I don't know why I feel that way but it is there and it's not going away.

[skysblue]

I wonder about that too. I talked to my T telling her that somehow I feel more 'real' when I'm done - that I'm in touch with a deeper part of myself. And when I emerge from that deep place into a lighter place, it begins to feel superficial.

She replied to me by saying "It's just that it's familiar. That's why it feels more real."

[addcolin]

I also get this feeling; when I really feel depressed or worse, I get this 'adrenalin rush', which then 'perks me up?'
Possibly is just the familiarity of that feeling, and hopefully with some therapy we can learn some other coping strategy.
Maybe some snake charming, bungy jumping, free climbing . . .

[possum220]

I find that depression follows a prolonged state of anxiety. My nerves are just so frayed and depression closes in. It seems that once my nerves have been 'asleep' / depressed.... they then wake up again when they are ready again.

[tohelpafriend]

I think you have a point. It can follow traumatic stress, anxiety, or long periods of illness, then you get stuck in it, like a cloud that won't pass.

I'm getting back to the source of mine, though...mind control when I was a catholic, before the will and conscience were developed.

I'm interested to read others' posts on this issue.

I think when you finally know you've kicked depression, it can seem like an old habit. Sometimes I think if I could work at a full time job long enough, I could "work" through it. Work helps alot, imho.

[dismantle.repair]

dunno if there's a source for mine.
That's just how things are for me, I guess...

[night owl]

I don't feel I deserve being depressed but sometimes I wonder if I go behind the diagnosis only to hide... I can't do/feel/be this or that 'cause I am depressed..
On the other hand: right now I think most of my (quite little) energy goes in acting that everything is okay... I am so fed up explaining what it means to be depressed: I've been already over 10 years retired due that reason and it seems that most of the closest (=nearest..) people can't believe that this is something which is not soing away! I have bad days and worse days and those I regret I ever got out of bed... Some very few days are okay, but to be happy... laughing and at that... I can't remember when I was that way the last time!