[WantingtoHeal]

I pretty much spend my life on the couch these days and I've decided that must be what I want. I have no desire to do anything. No desire to get dressed, no desire to take a bath, no desire to eat, no desire to clean, no desire to leave the house, just no desire...I finally figured out that that's exactly what I want and if there were some way that I could get away with it that's what i'd do, but somehow I have to pay my bills, but I wish the world would just leave me alone in my house. i take care of my daughter during the week so i get off the couch during the week, but i hate it.

i wish i could just stay right here forever and never leave the house.

i'm tired of making myself go and go and go. i hate being made to do things that i don't want to do. life is just one big thing you have to do.

i'm not seeing the light at the end of this tunnel.

[Rohag]

Hello, WantingtoHeal! I'm no doctor, but I strongly imagine that if you were to print off your above post and some of your other posts here at PsychCentral and show them to a mental health professional, they would quickly start screening you for depression.

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

I have no desire to do anything. No desire to get dressed, no desire to take a bath, no desire to eat, no desire to clean, no desire to leave the house, just no desire...

That's an indicator of depression. Yes, even wanting things, desiring things is no longer automatic.

Do you have access to people who can practically help you (not just "cheerleaders" at the other end of a help line)?

[pegasus]

(((((( WantingToHeal )))))) Well, yes it does sound like depression, no lust for life. Have you shared this with your T?

[WantingtoHeal]

thank you for responding rohag and pegasus.

I have a pdoc and a t. They are following me and adjusting meds. i've dipped down this weekend, so they don't know the current status now.

i really hate telling them, but i'm sure i will. i just hate disappointing them. they truly want good things for me and these are nice people. i don't want them to give up on me or turn a deaf ear so that is my hesitation in sharing how i feel.

i hate always having negative things to tell them. i'd like to tell them something happy once in a while.

thanks for responding. i appreciate it.

Oh, WTH, this thread really struck a chord with me. It really does sound like you have a depression. In any case, you certainly do not deserve to feel the way you do, and I'm really glad that you talk to your pdoc and your T about it. I can relate to what you say about not wanting to tell them only the negative stuff, but I'd like to share with you what a friend of mine said to me when I told him pretty much the same thing you just said: If you had a bad infection and it didn't respond to the antibiotics you were taking, your GP would not be helped by your claiming that it wasn't hurting, when it is still hurting. And in the case of depression, the professionals can't do the same kind of tests - blood tests and the like - to determine if you're better; they have to rely on your being honest about how you feel. Think of it as helping them do their job better, which is what they want.

I hope that made sense; I found it helpful, even though I still find it really hard not to downplay how miserable I've been feeling once I'm sitting in front of the T or pdoc.

Also remember that the medication you're on might not be the best fit for you. This is true even if you've been on medication for a long time - maybe you just haven't hit upon the right combination of meds yet. There, too, the pdoc needs to know how you're feeling from day to day to be able to help you.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( WantingtoHeal )))))))))))))))