[KellyJo]

im just so tired anymore. I do what i have to: go to school and go to work. but im always tired. i dont want to wake up in the morning, i dont want to get out of bed. I talk to my friends and act normal when around them but finding the desire to do so is harder and harder everyday.

I try not to let my family see through this facade but when it gets to be too much for me i shut down. i want to curl up into a ball out of the way by myself. My mom gets frustrated with me though. she interprets this as laziness and i never hear the end of it. but i don't wanna have to tell her that im so unhappy (especially when i dont even understand why im unhappy in the first place). im overwhelmed and over everything :/ I just find myself withdrawing more and more lately and im afraid of losing my friends and family because of it.

just needed to vent i guess. get it out there.

[cboxpalace]

Hey KJ,

Sorry to read this, and I hope things start getting better for you. I'm not sure if you're on meds or not, but it may be worth your while to discuss with parents if you're not..

Hang in there!!

[LVRC]

Hi KellyJo
I too, feel like you and while I myself am at a standstill for answers, what caught me most about your post was the mention of how your mom interprets how you are feeling. My mother was VERY much the same way! Have you ever just sat down with her (if she is willing) and let her know what is going on? I myself try to "pretend" this does not affect me, but in the end just ended up doing more harm than good.

Things to consider: have you seen a therapist/ psychiatrist to discuss your symptoms?

Talking with others (ie- this forum is a. Great start, since we all have been in similar situations) keep talking! Don't try to pretend it doesn't exist! I made that mistake too often, reach out to anyone you feel comfortable in talking to, it does wonders.

Hope this helps a little good luck and wishes your way! There are always people here to help and know what this feels like:-)

[KellyJo]

Thanks guys. Cbox, sorry i havent been on alot, ive only been getting on for a few minutes here and there. LVRC, Nah i havent talked to her about it. Its not her fault because i dont open up and say anything but id rather have her think im lazy than have to have that kind of discussion with her and my dad, yanno what i mean? Not that theyre unreasonable or mean or anything, im just not good at talking about things. Even on here its sometimes hard to say what im feeling.

But im getting to that point where i have to do something because I reeeally don't like the way i that i feel.

[dailyhealing]

Hi KellyJo, Thanks so much for sharing this! I understand your resistance to talking to people about what is going on, and I also agree with the above posts that it would be good to talk to parents/doctor/someone to try and get some help. If you have depression or some other disorder then medication and/or therapy could help!

I am 42 and have been depressed since my teens, untreated until my early 20s. For so long only those very close to me and my wife knew about it. Last fall I just didn't feel like keeping the facade up anymore. I told nearly everyone in my life about it, including my parents and brother for the first time ever! It has been so freeing for me. I still battle depression and anxiety, but having people near me know that about me allows me to feel as though I am not pretending to be something I am not. I was still careful with who I told.

I guess my point is that it takes a lot of energy to hold that facade, and that energy could possibly be better spent taking care of yourself emotionally. Easier said than done... Sorry for the rambling but your post really touched me. Take care, be kind and gentle with yourself, and keep posting on here.

[KellyJo]

Dont apologize for rambling, im glad you posted. Thanks Dailyhealing I just dont want my parents getting upset if i let them know how unhappy i get sometimes. but youre right, this holding stuff in takes way too much energy. I want to talk to them but at the same time im nervous/afraid too.

[Winter Moon]

Yeah, it sucks when you get to that point where something has got to break, and it's going to be you if you don't do something. But it seems like there's nothing you can do, because how do you even open a conversation like that? XD "'Morning mom. Oh, I'm fine. Well, actually I'm really depressed and so miserable I can hardly stand it. But whatever. How are you this morning?"

Yeah, no.

I'm glad that you found us, because at least you'll have someone you feel comfortable talking to about it.

This probably was not helpful at all. XD But who knows, maybe someone else will have an answer later on. Just know that you aren't alone in this.