I just don't think i have the strength to smile anymore...

i don't have the strength to smile anymore. everything is progressively getting worse when it should be getting better. i hate reality. don't you wish you could go back in the past? and why does doing the right thing hurt so so so much? :'(

Hello & Welcome, Durbarr! I sense a story behind every sentence in your post. You needn't reveal anything you don't want; these are intriguing:
I hope you can make yourself at home here.

Hey durbarr! I can relate to that feeling of weakness you described. It kind of stinks that we can't go back in time but we can make the best of the present. When I get really frustrated with something Ijust take a break for awhile. It gives me some strength back. Anyway- here's hoping you are smiling again soon!

I've felt like that before -- that if I smiled once more, my face would fall off. LOL

But I kept on keeping on -- if you know what I mean. I also went into therapy cause I couldn't stand the depression anymore. That really helped alot.

And for me, I wouldn't go back into the past if you PAID me. LOL I prefer to look forward to the future and think of what exciting things MIGHT be coming! Being more positive is healthier for me. Sometimes it's a LOT of work to be positive -- I'm so used to being depressed. But i have to keep thinking that yesterday is GONE -- today is a gift, and tomorrow isn't here yet and it's going to be exciting! LOL That helps a little.

God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

Welcome! I know exactly what you mean. I can so relate. I have said those exact words "I just don't have the strength to smile anymore." and I DID NOT and HAVE NOT. If I do, accidentally, I cover my mouth with my hand or turn away

And I would LOVE to go back in the past

...but I now feel as if going back in the past is not only to relive the good old days of the past (and to have fun remembering the good old days) but to work my heart out with my T to face abuse, mis-steps, mistakes, errors, others actions and the associated unbearable pain - and address the issues that brought me to where I am right now (so so sad, depressed)

*I haven't been truly happy and care free in such a long time, I honestly forgot what it feels like. And even more challenging, I don't know how I should act. Appropriately. I am a grown-up. Not a teenager. How do grown-ups show, express they are happy (or just content)? I don't know.

Why does doing the "right thing" hurt so much .... I don't know. Perhaps it's because we care but the "right thing" has never been validated or appreciated. And we have feelings that haven't been acknowledged or appreciated.

Perhaps it's part of being human with a conscience and caring about others, as well as ourselves. Having the ability to distinguish right or wrong .... for ourselves .... NOT for anyone else but for ourselves (or for appearances). Just because it's the right thing to do based on our own measuring sticks. Sort of the golden rule type of thinking