[KeepGoing8]

I have a depression monster inside of me. It grabs my insides with a clawed fist and squeezes hard. It take my heart and tears it to pieces. It tells me I am ugly. It tells me I am bad, and it tells me I was born to die. It turns the switch and everything I feel, think, and see turns dark. It hits me and hurts me. I think it's trying to kill me...
Why isn't love and goodness enough to kill the monster? Or at least survive its attacks?

[dailyhealing]

I'm sorry you are hurting! I love your name btw. Hope you find some peace from the monster, it truly is a horrible monster that does all that you say.

[KellyJo]

Even monsters get tired, keep fighting it and don't lose hope. Don't let it win because in the end I know you can beat it. Im also sorry for your hurting as well.

“We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming - well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.”

“Listen to the mustn'ts. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen. Anything can be.”

[kaliope]

I can identify with what you are going thru. With how it seems to be an outside force trying to destroy you. I used to battle it all the time. I would placate the monster, acting like I was going to go along with it, agree with it, give it it's way, just to find some sense of peace. As it was plotting my death, I was finding ways to trick it into staying alive. Life was so exhausting back then. The plotting and planning. But I survived it. I just had to stay alive long enough to make it thru the depressive cycles. I didnt know that I was going to make it thru the last one tho. I finally had to ask for help. I got on meds. Got a T. Thank god the meds worked. I never thought I would ever see light in all that darkness. Thought the hole was too deep to ever find my way out of. But I did. Its possible. Dont ever give up.

Hugs.

[Puffyprue]

Hi KeepGoing8,

its a good thing that you realized its your depression telling you horrible thing and you know that not true so it good start
Hang on !

[Serotonin]

Read this:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=223848

It's my story.

I hope it provides you with some inspiration and hope.

Btw, I made friends with my monster. He was so strong I wanted him as an ally, not an enemy.

[shezbut]

((((KeepGoing8))))

You do have a wonderful way with words. The words are very sad and poignant, but they describe the thoughts and emotions very well!

I used to write a lot of poems 20 years or so ago, when I had a better way of expressing myself. It felt good to let those dark thoughts out. We do have a forum for those who choose to share their poems with others. Just a thought: poetry and artwork can be very healing.

Best wishes to you!

[Wonder father]

I have the same monster in me what do i do