[Rose76]

I've got no history of true mania. No doctor ever thought I was Bipolar type 1.

However, my moods fluctuate a lot. At times, I can be what I think most people would say is pretty hyper. Often that's a really good thing for me, in that I can get a lot accomplished. That state of mind might last for a couple of days, but not for 4 days, as the type 2 criterion calls for. I regularly get very seriously depressed and can stay that way for weeks.

I am told that I am "on the bipolar spectrum." They keep pushing more and more meds on me. The meds are more and more heavy duty. I'm taking Seroquel and Tegretol as, supposedly, "mood stabilizers."

I am not any more "stable" than I was before taking these meds. I will say that Seroquel is a fantastic sleeping pill. (200 mg knocks me out.) I have been miserably depressed since the day after Easter. For 18 months, I've been in and out of such severe depression that I keep going to the pdocs and keep being given new drugs to try.

It all started when I lost my job, though I had a lifetime history of recurrent depression/anxiety. I did get another job around Christmastime, but I failed at it by February. I am advised to apply for SSDI, and that's what I am doing. (I've had job failure after job failure for a number of years.) (For years, when I was young, I worked very successfully.)

Is there anyone out there who is not Bipolar 1, but has been told that they are Type 2, or "on the spectrum," that found they got better, or improved, thanks to any particular medication? If so, would you care to share what helped you?

The only thing that has ever helped me is amitriptyline, or a drug in the same group (TCAs.) I've been on that for over 30 years, and always got worse when I tried getting by without it, and improved when I got back on it. Supposedly, TCAs (tricyclic anti-depressants) are not even recommended for people with bipolar issues. In my case, my life improved greatly, when I went on the amitriptyline. I'ld still get real depressed regularly, but I functioned much better and would not stay depressed as long as before I went on it. (Plus, I could sleep almost normally, which I never could do before since childhood.)

Here is what I am taking now:
Ritalin
Neurontin (Gabapentin)
Tegretol
Nortriptyline
Restoril (Temazepam)
Seroquel
That's 6 different psych drugs.

Plus, I have other drugs to take for osteopenia and other drugs for other medical conditions.

When I took fewer meds, I used to use pill minder boxes and I had a good system for keeping on track with everything.

Now, I've got these meds spread all over the kitchen table and I'm becoming disorderly in how I take my meds. I don't use the pill minder boxes anymore because then I wouldn't know what I have in each box, due to there being so many new and different things. I wouldn't recognize what was what. Sometimes, I have to skip doses of one med or the other depending on side effects. (anxiety, constipation, stupor) (Recently, I fell asleep with food in my mouth, which never happened to me in my life before.)

I just got an idea. I often think best when I am writing. I am going to print this out and ask that it be put in my chart. Toward that end - of making this a good record - I am going to list my other drugs:
Levothyroxin
Bethanechol
Miralax
Lactulose
Vitamin D
Calcium
Fosamax
Aleve
That's 8 other drugs that are prescribed for me.

Recently, I was taking Oxycodone for my very sore upper spine that is bending out of shape.

Today, I've sunk to where I just don't care about anything, and I'm in my apartment alone all the time, talking out loud to myself - telling myself stories about the past.

There are no clean utensils or clean glasses or clean mugs in the kitchen, and I forgot to take the trash barrel out to the edge of the sidewalk on pick-up day, and I haven't brushed my teeth in days because the bathroom sink is so dirty. The kitchen sink is full of dishes. I look a mess. I forget when I last checked the mailbox.

I know I strayed from my original question. I just thought that, since I don't keep a journal, I might as well collect my thought here. Then I can present this to someone and there will be an accurate record.

I have piles of paperwork around the house that I collect compulsively, and I dread having to go through it all. It has built up over years, and I used to have a pretty good filing system.

I have become overwhelmed. Someone has to hear me and believe me. My primary care doctor is very caring and seems to listen to me to a pretty good extent. I have never met a psychiatrist that I could get through to. I have been told to either take all this pile of meds, or don't come back.

I am trying to think what can I do for myself. The therapists always told me to keep a journal. I can never think of what to write when I am just writing to no one. It's like talking to the walls, which I AM already doing. On the forums, here at PC, I feel like I am talking to someone, so I do manage to come out with something coherent. Maybe this could be my OWN medical record. I asked permission to start a blog here, but I didn't have the computer skills to figure out the steps to do that. Also, I would feel weird doing that.

It's going past 7 p.m. and I haven't eaten since yesterday because I have been so busy thinking. I'm just trying to figure something out, and I don't really know what I am trying to figure out, but I've been working on it since 8 a.m. this morning NON-STOP. I don't consider this mania. Mainly, I am trying to not feel so totally alone. For over a week prior to Easter, I was getting something constructive done every day. Then I fell into the pit on the Tuesday after Easter. That's my life: back and forth, back and forth. I don't smoke cigarettes, or drink coffee, or use any illicit drugs. My neck is getting so sore now, which happens anytime I use the computer. I am very depressed sometimes about the change in my spine that has me pretty much chronically uncomfortable and sometimes in a lot of pain.

[bipolarmedstudent]

Lamictal, hands down, from everything I've read.

[Rose76]

bipolarmedstudent - I appreciate the feedback. I also like the way you keep track of your meds. I really like that; it looks like you did it via the signature option. Interesting.

I need to start recollecting what I've been put on that didn't work. Unfortunately, Lamictal was one of those that did nothing one way or the other. It didn't help, but it didn't hurt, either. And I was tried on it on three separate times in my life.

I had high hopes for Lithium, which they say is the Gold Standard (for BP I.) I couldn't tolerate it. I would have needed to be on IV fluids, if I kept taking it, even at a rather low dose.

Other things that didn't do anything for me were: Risperdal, Paxil, Celexa, and Zoloft.

A little ritalin can be extremely helpful to me, if I have somewhere to go in the morning. Otherwise, it just creates anxiety, or accelerated thinking that is purposeless.