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#1
Apr 14, 2012, 06:31 PM
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Hi,
To me it seems like my mother is in this kind of Zombie state and that this is how she has been since my dad's suicide. She was the one to find my dad's body in the house. Often it seems to me like she is brain-dead in that she doesn't respond to me and basically does nothing other than sit on the couch blankly starring at the TV. What I don't understand is what her issue is. Sure she was married to my dad for over 30 years, but he was an awful husband and an even worse father, so I am not sure what it is she is mourning the loss of? He used to beat my mother constantly, restricted her freedom, and was totally abusive to both of us. In fact the last thing he did do to my mother was beat her until my mother threatened to call the police. So what exactly it is that upsets her I don't know? Yet she needs photos of him all over the house and miniature ceremonies and other weird things. When she is responsive she herself will talk about how horrible of a husband he was and how bad of a father, but, in the long-run, it changes nothing. What I am saying is that he was a terrible husband and father and it's been a few years since he died but she is still in this Zombie-like, brain-dead trance most of the time over it. Will she ever be able to function and live again? It seems like both my parents died that day… |
 KeepGoing8, Puffyprue, sweathers81
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#2
Apr 14, 2012, 07:29 PM
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Maybe your dad wasn't horrible when they 1st married/met, maybe he hid it. Maybe she misses the man she fell inlove with, maybe she had hope he would change in the future, and is grieving that?
. Maybe she's angry at him for the way he died, maybe she's angry that she didn't get a chance to do the right thing... Maybe she's mourning bcoz she feels lost, her life had a clear pattern for 30yrs, not a pretty 1, but a pattern nonetheless, and now it's gone... . I honestly don't know MV, I'm just speaking from my experience, tho he didn't die, I left, but I still mourned for the future I had hoped for, for myself and our daughter. And that alone made me angry, at myself mostly... . I know what you mean about losing both parents that day, I'm living with a shell of what used to be my mother for the last 2yrs, and it's heartbreaking. . Sorry if I'm unhelpful, didn't want you to feel alone. |
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#3
Apr 14, 2012, 09:16 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#4
Apr 14, 2012, 09:28 PM
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Or maybe because she wish that He died and then she found him died and its come true and she feel so guilty about it, have you try to talk to her about this?
__________________
As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
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#5
Apr 15, 2012, 02:43 AM
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I think Prue's got a good point there. But while it would be great to know wtf she is in the rut she's in for...it's not your job as a son to figure that out. You're her son, not her therapist, and she may never be able to,share with you her inner thoughts and feelings: for a mother to admit pain, shame, or guilt to her son...must be a very hard thing.
It also really sounds like she's in a severe depressive episode: the non-responsive TV staring...that was my mom for years of my childhood; with and without my dad. Your mom may also be suffering from PTSD (there's an older term, " Battered Women's Sydrome" that isn't used these days because it imposes the burden of illness on the victim): it's a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that includes an unreasonable attachment to the abuser, and a certain "shutting down" as a protection mechanism against the great amount of pain she's suffered. All in all, this sounds like a crazy amount of stress for you to be handling on your own! Your mom has many logical reasons to be depressed, and once you're tipped into the depression pit, the self-hating mantras that run through your mind non-stop make sure you stay down there...and there's no getting out of it without support. Professional Support: from a T, a church pastor, PC, even a suicide hotline...and as much as you are totally pro at all the things you do  you cannot be your own mother's professional council...it just don't work that way! You went through just as much $h!+ as she did, and you deserve to be cared for too...not just to be the caretaker. Good luck Mr.V and remember, don't take her detachment personally, and DON'T carry it all on your shoulders 
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