[Mogeii]

Haven't posted on here in awhile. So the last 2 weeks have been very good by Depression/Anxiety standards. I have had ups and downs but with more ups. I usually have 2 anxious/minorly depressed times a day. Once in the morning, and 1 either late afternoon or evening. But compared to what I have been through in the past, this was LIVING life not ENDURING it. I started going to the gym and working out again Monday. Yesterday I had a heavy workout and felt amazing afterwords. Today I woke up soar but feeling incredible. I didn't even have my AM anxiety. I ate a big healthy lunch and took the day off from stressors. No school work or anything. Played video games most of the day and felt good. I noticed early this evening that my muscle soarness was annoying me and I started to get a little tired. I slept for 8.5 hours last night. Fast forward to the last 2 hours. I out of NOWHERE fell into a weird state of mind. I was romanticizing suicide, not my own but the action itself. I don't want to kill myself at all, but it was just a weird obsessive thought pattern. Now for the last hour I have been super depressed and experience a decent amount of anxiety. I almost am crying which is usually reserved for my super depressive episodes. I am more concerned with WHY this is happening all of a sudden. I ate nothing but sugar in the afternoon and evening so thats an option, I didn't take my vitamins today, maybe that? I haven't had a workout that intense in years, maybe that's it? I guess no one can tell me and I can't know either, but there are the only things I can think of. I am sitting here terrified that this is the beginning of another wave of Depression/anxiety. I was feeling so damn good for awhile now. My muscles ache more than earlier now, my head hurts, im emotional, im scared, and I feel mild hopelessness. WHY!?!?!?!?! My obsessive traits are also a worry as tomorrow even if I feel fine, I'll have a terrible time letting go of tonight because its such an extreme bad feeling. I guess im posting for assurance or something, I dont know. Im one of those people who when the feel good physically or emotionally, the other has a hard time not following suit. Problem is the opposite is also true, give me a cold and my mind goes into negative mode. If only tonight could all be a dream and tomorrow I be right back on track. I hope for that so much I can't even express it .

[Suki22]

I know the feeling of feeling good and then bam--all of a sudden it's gone. then you're on the verge of going backwards, having all the depression come right back. even when you're feeling good, it's still in the back of your mind, you wonder "is this temporary?"

there isn't always a reason why the down feelings come back. I think it's important to remember that the depression is temporary. keep up the good work with the exercise (take it easy in that department) and keep on keeping on. it is work to feel good, unfortunately. the more you are in the habit of feeling good, the easier it gets.

I hope you are feeling better today!

[Rohag]

Hello, Mogeii! For me, any significant, sudden deviation from routine -- even if something good or positive -- tends to destabilize me. Although it doesn't happen every time, I often pay a price in increased anxiety and/or depression in the wake of any kind of change.

If only tonight could all be a dream and tomorrow I be right back on track. I hope for that so much I can't even express it .

I'm hoping with you...