Friend shutting me out

Hi all. Just needed some support and/or advice and didn't know where else to turn. My best friend (my only real friend) and I both suffer from depression, anxiety, ptsd, and a host of other issues. We are very similar in our struggles but not so much in the way we've handled them throughout our lives. (we've only become friends in the past year or so).

Anyway when I am at a low point and struggling she's always there to help me back up. She pulls out of me stuff even when I don't feel like talking and it always ends up being a good thing. In fact, she's somewhat relentless if she knows I'm struggling. One weekend when I was at my lowest point she practically moved into my apartment and wouldn't leave even when I told her to. And really, I'm glad she didn't.

However, when SHE is the one struggling, she shuts me out. She won't answer my calls. All I get in a text is "I'm taking benzo's and going to bed.") Don't get me wrong, she's shared with me a ton about her problems but just not when she needs to the most. When she's really down she doesn't give me the opportunity to help her. And I know it's not about me, it's about her- but it makes me a little mad and sometimes I want to say "fine, you don't share anything with me when your upset, I'm just going to shut down with you when I'm upset." I know that sounds childish but that's how I feel. Like it's unfair. I want to help her, I want to be there for her, and she won't let me. Most times she won't let anyone.

So I am co-dependent and I get frustrated and hurt and angry and spend most of my time WORRYING until she comes through it. (which can be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.) I mean, I told her I was worried about her. I left a message to please call me. and all I get in return is a message saying she's not doing well and she's taking benzo's and going to bed?? Am I being totally selfish for being upset by this?

Any thoughts would be appreciated
Thanks.

hi there

i'm sorry i don't have any advice, all i can say is i understand your friend coz i am same as regards shutting people out when i need help yet i always be there for them. i know it frustrates and hurts friends, but when i'm in that darkest of place i'm not thinking of that.

anyway, i'm sorry you're going thru this right now and hope you get some good advice from someone more able.

hi ,
Can you just come to her place and stay there whether she want you there or not?

Hi beautifuldisaster78
Really sorry for you both. Dont worry.
You are not selfish. You are matured and now in a desperate mood to help your best friend. Your friend is lucky enough to have a friend / wellwisher / supporter like you. I really appreciate you as it is difficult to find a good and supportive one such as you who is feeling and taking responsible to support a true friend. Though she is very close to you and shared a lot with you in the past, When suffering from Depression, Anxiety, PTSD one tends to close all the doors and tends to construct a fort around them as they feel insecure about everything even the presence of their best friend. They are in no mood to scrutinize even best of available opportunities to come out their situation. Unless they open themselves, all the efforts to help them will be futile. It is better to let your friend to open a little bit. when she comes out, she will come to you for support. Till then just wait for her. Hope You will understand this. Good Luck for both.

I guess I have one question. Have you told her how you feel about this when she was not in her bad space and shutting you out? I think you expressed yourself really well here, and maybe just having a conversation about how you feel when she shuts you out would be a good start? Maybe you have already done this, but if not I think it's worth a shot. You are hurting, and she is your friend, so I think she deserves to know that her behavior is hurtful to you.