[Dan12345]

Hey guys, thank you for taking the time to read this post, okay I may aswell get straight into it. I'm 23 years old, work full time, live at home, love football you know just a standard guy.

Things have changed in my life when I was in my first year of university I met my girlfriend and I was a confident man who loved playing xbox, hanging with his mates, going out drinking. My girlfriend studied in London so she was 300 miles away and I couldn't see her all the time. I went to university and graduated last year, now I went to university because I wanted to better myself and get a decent job, one thing I've always struggled with was sticking to a job and keeping a job longer than a few months. Now me and my girlfriend had been together for 2 years and she recently ended the relastionship, when she did this I was so upset I felt that I had nothing to live for, anyway about 2 weeks later we decided to sort things out and we are pretty much back together now!

Here is the thing I don't get where I am or whats happend to me, in the first year of me and my girlfriend been together I used to smoke, she never knew but I knew I needed to quit and did after she found I smoked lol... Anyway my point is back then I didn't mind keeping something like that from her because we're not married and don't live out of each others pockets, now these days I feel guilty if I don't text her back straight away or about stupid things that happened when we split up, I really don't understand it, I was diagnosed with major depression in September and have been taking medication since and it does work to be honest.

If i'm honest I just feel really unhappy and low, I feel like if there is no passion for anything, I just can't be bothered. I know my job doesn't help anything so I'm moving company. Something that's really random is, when I'm asleep sometimes I wake up at 4am and feel really happy, then go back to sleep wake up feeling depressed . I feel so relaxed when I'm in bed and sleepy like that's when I'm most happy sometimes.

I guess I want things in life like marrige and stuff like that now and not willing to wait, I'd love to work my way up through a company but I feel like time is a valuable thing and I would rarther get the big paying jobs with out doing the dirty work.

You know I'm currently studing my level 2 in health and social care going straight onto my level 3 which means I could get a quite well paid job, I have the summer when my girlfriend finally moves back home!!, I have holidays planned yet I still feel like this? My job is not going well at all I'm on the verge of been sacked mainly because the staff really don't like me and want to get rid of me... They make my life hell to be honest, I also took a loan for my car so it worried me that I'd have no job and that I couldn't pay the loan repayments and then I couldn't go on holiday or do anything social that I like doing when really thing's are not that bad I just switch jobs, I already have an interview for a new job this week.

But like I say I just don't know I feel lifeless, no purpose, no self worth, guilty all the time unless I'm busy then I don't think...

I hope this makes sense as I typed it in the best order I could think of, I'm rubbish at this kind of thing lol I keep going back to topics already covered...

Thanks
Dan

[Rhapsody]

Sounds like your depression still has the best of you and you have yet to find your path out of the darkness that has over taken what was once the happiness and direction in your life. I would suggest that you give the medication a little longer to work (or change it if it is not working) and to seek out a good counselor to help you dig deep into your past to help you deal with all the wounds from your past that are now controlling your present life and every single step you take from this moment on........ Does that make sense?

[Dan12345]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

Sounds like your depression still has the best of you and you have yet to find your path out of the darkness that has over taken what was once the happiness and direction in your life. I would suggest that you give the medication a little longer to work (or change it if it is not working) and to seek out a good counselor to help you dig deep into your past to help you deal with all the wounds from your past that are now controlling your present life and every single step you take from this moment on........ Does that make sense?

Yeah but why does it have to be so hard? I just want to be happy again how can you go from the kind of guy who would run through a wall to being scared of anything?