[coneyislandbaby]

How can people write two pages about how depressed and lonely they are, and how they feel so uncared for and unloved.. but they're married or in a relationship.

I don't understand how people in relationships can reach that level of depression. I feel like the core of a lot of my issues and something that consumes me day in and day out is that I've been single for pretty much all of my life (I'm 32 / female) and that there is a pretty much slim to none chance of me entering a relationship any time soon, maybe ever, at the rate I'm going.

Don't get me wrong - I realize it's not that straightforward and there are plenty of bad / unfulfilling / abusive / whatever relationships out there. But a lot of people that are happily married or paired up just do nothing but talk like their world is coming to an end. I just don't get it.

I just feel like there is a world of difference between being depressed, and then being depressed and hopelessly, terminally, soul-crushingly alone.

Ya know?????

I'm so sorry if I come off as insensitive, I really don't mean to be. I'm just sort of perplexed. I become kind of elated if someone I like even looks in my direction. It's like my whole world turns around. Of course I never end up with them. But I feel like if I had a relationship my existence would be validated, I'd feel like someone loved me and cared. It would be such a weight lifted. I'd feel whole and sane. Like yeah, I've got issues, stuff sucks, but I'm a worthwhile enough person that someone is sticking around listening to me complain and handing me tissues when I'm crying about my debt or bad day at work or how ugly I feel.

(By the way, I'm apparently, or so I'm told, physically attractive, educated, and have a sense of humor and all that. I'm a fine human being. I'm just not attractive to men, there's just something about me they don't like. I've tried to figure out why but after 32 years I think it's time to just accept that it is what it is so f#@!< it.)

[Lady28]

Here's what I know after years and years of chronic depression with severe depressive episodes. I have a husband - 4 grown children, and 7 grandchildren. How many of them know how deep and dark and lonely it can get at the bottom of that hole - NONE- Not one of them. My mom used to blame herself because I am plagued with this, I told her - Mom not your fault - two sisters and a brother and they are fine - just me. (although we are told that it does run in families). My family loves me but they can't fix me - I can't even fix me. Sometimes my loved ones get irritated with me and they want me to fix myself, even though they know I can't.
Here is what I can do - I can take one day at a time - one hour at a time if I have to. When my grandchildren see me, they see what I want them to see, a loving grandmother who loves them unconditionally. Each one of them is like a little life line.
There are days when the slightest thing can make me cry and cry, but then I have to wipe my face off and tell myself "buddy(depression) you are not getting me today" and get my mind on something else. If you are a Christian, every morning without fail, give your problems to God. Humans are weak and indecisive - tell the Lord to guide your footsteps and quit worrying about every little thing that's wrong in your life - knowing that the path you are taking is the one you are supposed to be on. Maybe you haven't met that special someone yet, it will happen. Don't look for it to be a cure for your depression - that is such an unfair burden to put on any relationship. Odds are if you do, it will fail. Love is the answer I believe to helping with the darkness - not just romantic love - all love, parental love
friend love, sibling love, love of nature, love of children,all kinds of love.Watch something funny on tv, force yourself to smile(even if you don't mean it at first, it does catch on) visit people you know lightens your mood. Depression can get pretty deep and dark down in that hole but let's shoot for the tunnel - there's always a light at the end of it.

Originally Posted by coneyislandbaby

How can people write two pages about how depressed and lonely they are, and how they feel so uncared for and unloved.. but they're married or in a relationship.

I don't understand how people in relationships can reach that level of depression. I feel like the core of a lot of my issues and something that consumes me day in and day out is that I've been single for pretty much all of my life (I'm 32 / female) and that there is a pretty much slim to none chance of me entering a relationship any time soon, maybe ever, at the rate I'm going.

Don't get me wrong - I realize it's not that straightforward and there are plenty of bad / unfulfilling / abusive / whatever relationships out there. But a lot of people that are happily married or paired up just do nothing but talk like their world is coming to an end. I just don't get it.

I just feel like there is a world of difference between being depressed, and then being depressed and hopelessly, terminally, soul-crushingly alone.

Ya know?????

I'm so sorry if I come off as insensitive, I really don't mean to be. I'm just sort of perplexed. I become kind of elated if someone I like even looks in my direction. It's like my whole world turns around. Of course I never end up with them. But I feel like if I had a relationship my existence would be validated, I'd feel like someone loved me and cared. It would be such a weight lifted. I'd feel whole and sane. Like yeah, I've got issues, stuff sucks, but I'm a worthwhile enough person that someone is sticking around listening to me complain and handing me tissues when I'm crying about my debt or bad day at work or how ugly I feel.

(By the way, I'm apparently, or so I'm told, physically attractive, educated, and have a sense of humor and all that. I'm a fine human being. I'm just not attractive to men, there's just something about me they don't like. I've tried to figure out why but after 32 years I think it's time to just accept that it is what it is so f#@!< it.)

[LadyShadow]

Well, I don't have to tell you everyone is different and every relationship has problems and no you don't sound insensitive, all opinions are welcome even if not everyone agrees with it. I'm in a relationship, but sometimes I get depressed. The reason that is, is because there are some things my partner cannot give me. Like a great career or joy of having my own money and independence. Just because you find someone, the problems that you have with depression doesn't magically disappear.

I'm 31 by the way, and I was single a long time before I hooked up with my guy. Being with him has helped me a lot, but being in a relationship hasn't fixed the fact that I'm bipolar.

[GRUMPYPA]

As PlatinumHeart says and luckily everyone is different. I've been married for well over 30 years and I still suffer from severe depression I don't think it has anything to do whether you are in a relationship or not its all to do with circumstance mine is to do with health and the inability to provide for my family, being in constant pain,will I get lost today, will I have a seizure today. My Depression is from what I am putting my Wife and family through everyday. I hope this gives you another side.
Im 50 Have 3 Sons & * Grandkids.

[Leed]

I was married for many years -- I'm a widow now. But during almost ALL of those years, I was depressed. In fact, I was depressed even as a child.

While married, even tho I had a partner, I felt "alone." My husband just couldn't relate. He'd never been depressed so he just couldn't understand what I was feeling -- and to be honest he didn't really WANT to understand. I would try to explain how it felt, but he'd look at me with a kind of 'blank' stare. Then I'd feel even MORE alone. Some of my issues came from my childhood but not all of them. I finally decided that I needed professional help, so I called a therapist and began therapy. That was the BEST thing I could have done for myself.

That was many years ago. My therapist decided I needed more help than he could give me, so he sent me to my MD who put me on an antidepressant as WELL as told me to continue therapy. So I've been on meds for years too. I now feel better than I have in a very long time.

Perhaps you will benefit from therapy too! It's worth a try. I hope you'll think about it. God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee