[kazukivonhimmel]

okay... honestly it isnt like me to seek help from others or even share my problems, I dont like burdening others... but, because ive been extremely depressed lately ive decided maybe other opinions might help me to better understand myself and find healthier ways of coping. so here it is, my seemingly constant struggle with my emotions. to start, for aa long as I remember, ive alwayshiddwn my real feelings from everyone. my parents are really loving people, always reaffirming their love for me, yet since my youth, ive never shown them my real emotions. by this I mean things like anger or sadness. when I was happy, it was easy, because happy is safe. but everything else was a smile and "yeah, im ok" my dad often said I was hard to read and I played my emotions close to my heart. in school I had difficulties being normal, and was socially awkward. I pretty much lived in my own world, and only one or two pwople tried to accwpt me for it. high school was much thw same, but I found that most of my friends always seemed to seek me for their emotional distress, which I didnt mind. I always felt that it was my duty or something, because I understood their pain, even if I hadnt personally experienced it. but it took its toll on me, I started feeling like no one was there for me, just the opposite. I had strong feelings of longing, like I was missing something, but I didnt know what. it wasnt love, or friendship, or anything else I could name. later in life, as I got older, I began noticing that I had a tendency to "open people" I easily made friends, ans to this day I have never hated anyone or made any enemies. I naturally get along with others and always feel like a mediator of sorts. the problem is, there are times when I just get so depressed. and I dont know qhy. I try to figure it out, and make excuses for why I feel that way. sometimes I need to be alone, doeant matter how I feel, I just need "me" time, sometimes for months.... but, ive always been able to rwvitaloze myaelf from depreasion. latley though, ive been doing alot of "self medicating" to help cope. sometimes it feels like the only time im happy is when im high... but the depression gets worse and worse, and im beginning to feel like I cant get up from thia, I keep apiralling sown... in an attempt to help myself I found this site, among others... my father told me often that I was very empathetic. hes also called me a "bleeding heart" in anger as well... I just need to know what I am or what ia wrong with me, and I cant do it on my own.

[Rohag]

Hello, Kazukivonhimmel! No, I'm not an empath, but I do "catch others' emotions" in a dysfunctional way.

but the depression gets worse and worse, and im beginning to feel like I cant get up from this, I keep spiraling down...and I cant do it on my own

I believe you are correct. The time has come to get help from a knowledgeable counselor, someone who will take the time necessary to get to know you. Does your situation permit that?

As for self-help, you can find scads of resources on the Web and elsewhere. I'm vaguely aware of discussions of the impact of being too empathetic on mental health.

Please keep posting!

[burdsinflite]

I'm in a very similar situation to you. I suffer from depression but can't pinpoint exactly why. One thing I would recommend is not to self medicate. Its a short term solution which will only make it more difficult in the long run. I've been there. I used to get high to feel better too but its just not enough. Unlike you though, when I feel this way I hate being alone. I feel like I need to surround myself with people or activities in order to attempt to take my mind off it and focus on other things. Maybe doing the same will help you? Seeing a counselor is obviously something that should be considered if you think it's that serious. Having someone to talk to that will listen and try to help is very important. I also find that online support communities such as this are very helpful as well. It's nice to get anonymous support and be able to discuss how you're feeling without having it be someone you know. It's also nice knowing that you're not alone and other people are suffering from the same problems. The worst part for me is not knowing why I feel the way I do. I feel like if I could pinpoint an actual cause for feeling depressed I'd be better able to cope with it but I can't. I just randomly feel this way and can't seem to get rid of it. I hope you feel better and continue to post.

[kazukivonhimmel]

thank you both for sharing, and sorry for not replying sooner. I have been struggling with my emotions, but I also made a lot of self realisations... again, im sorry for the late response, and I am grateful you took the time to share your thoughts. thank you.